Big Words Out of Little Mouths - How to Talk to Your Child About Bad Language

Much to our chagrin, at some point in time probably every parent will experience the feelings of shock and embarrassment that simultaneously occur when a big word comes out of a little mouth. Whether it is a choice vocabulary word that we mistakenly slipped up and said in front of little ears that we didn't think were listening, or a word that some other child repeated at school on the playground, the fact that children eventually learn and say some very adult vocabulary words is undeniably inevitable. More often than not, these extremely choice words will rear their lovely heads at highly inopportune times.

To illustrate that point, I thought I would share the following examples:

A two-year-old at a state licensed daycare facility joyfully runs around the classroom jubilantly screeching, "I farted!" The incessant chant of "I farted" continues at the top of the child's lungs while a state licensing representative just so happens to be observing in the classroom to see how the teacher addresses the issue.

In an after school program, a ten-year-old child means to start a taunting joke about one child liking another child yet somehow spreads the misguided rumor that one child wants to rape another child. In turn, about a half dozen children go home telling their parents that so-and-so wants to rape so-and-so tomorrow. Apparently, the word "rape" somehow became synonymous with the word "like."

A divorced mother with three teenage girls finally brings her new boyfriend home to enjoy a home cooked meal and to meet her family. Immediately after saying grace, the mother's inquisitive twelve-year-old asks, "Mom, what's a whore?" The boyfriend's fork freezes mid-air.

Well, what do you do?

First, calm your own reaction.

The biggest mistake is to initially overreact. If a child senses that something is a bigger deal than he originally thought it was than it is a lot harder to keep a lid on that pot because it probably will have already boiled over.

Second, put the word in context by asking a question.

Put the word in context and find out exactly what your child really knows. A great way to do this is by answering the question with a question. Also, asking a question gives a parent time to stall and revert back to the first thing you need to do, calming your own reaction.

You might consider one or a combination of the following:

"Where did you hear that word?"

"Now, that's a very big word. Wherever did you hear that?"

"Can you tell me what you think that word means?"

"Who called you that word?"

Or, in the farting example, you might say:

"Oh dear, do you need to go to the restroom?"

"Where do we go when we need to do that?"

"Isn't it nicer to tell me you need to go potty?"

Sometimes a child does not really know what you think he might know, and often a child is content to receive a simple answer rather than a huge explanation.

Third, correct misinformation.

If a child is blatantly using a vocabulary word inappropriately then it really is necessary to address the issue a bit farther. The only thing worse than one child talking about a word incorrectly is for that child to incite more children to start using the word inappropriately. Correcting misinformation can often be as simple as redefining the vocabulary word in other simple terms that a child can understand and appreciate.

For example:

"Yes, I heard you say you farted. However, the nice way to say that is I have gas and I need to go to the bathroom."

"I do not think you mean to say rape. Rape is something that really hurts. Rape does not mean that you like or love someone."

These suggestions are just simple guidelines to help you with addressing sensitive topics and vocabulary words with your children. No matter how surprised you might be by what comes out of the mouths of babes, there is an easy solution for most every situation and it is probably not as detrimental as you might think it is at the time.

For instance, one of my mother's finest parenting moments is still a conversation that impresses me today. In her calm gentle demeanor she asked me, "Well, where did you hear that word today?" I proceeded to explain that some girl on the bus had called me a whore and I didn't know what it meant. My mother said, "Well, it's a woman with loose morals. Kind of like the saloon girls in the western movies that they call a floozie or a hussy." I replied that since that wasn't me at all it was a mean thing for that girl to say to me in the first place. Then, still ever so calmly, my mother added, "But the word you just said is a very ugly word and not one that is really appropriate to say at the dinner table or anywhere else, ok?"

Fine by me. My mom had answered my question and that was all I needed to know. I haven't said the word since. I realized later how completely mortified my mom truly was at the time, but somehow it really didn't matter. That guy married her anyhow!