Bill O'Reilly's Top Ten Dumbest Quotes

Recently Bill O'Reilly has come under fire for using the word lynching in response to what Michelle Obama said on her husband's campaign trail.

1. "And I don't want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama unless there's evidence, hard facts, that say this is how the woman really feels. If that's how she really feels -- that America is a bad country or a flawed nation, whatever -- then that's legit. We'll track it down."

This is Bill O'Reilly's latest gem, in response to Barack Obama's wife's comment about finally being proud of her country. I can only respond with a hearty "Oh no you didn't." Bill has apparently missed the bus to the 21st Century. To make matters worse, Bill O'Reilly added his signature threat to the end of his statement. It all makes me want to cower in fear and say, "Yes Massa, yes Massa."

But this isn't the first time Bill O'Reilly's had diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain. Here are a number of other dumb qouations muttered and sputtered by the oblivious Bill O'Reilly.

2. "When you call us, ladies and gentlemen, just so you know, we do have your phone number, and if you say anything untoward, obscene, or anything like that, Fox security will then contact your local authorities, and you will be held accountable." (Source)

Last year he said this on his radio show. There he is, everybody. Bill O'Reilly, champion of free speech, protecting America from loose tongued infidels who prank call his radio station.

3. "I just wish Katrina had only hit the United Nations building, nothing else, just had flooded them out, and I wouldn't have rescued them." --radio show, Sept. 14, 2005

Those don't seem like good Christian statements to me. Bill O'Reilly, protector of all things Christmas apparently only believes in goodwill towards American men. If asked, would Bill O'Reilly insist that God is an American? Does He drive a gas guzzling pickup truck with a gun rack and confederate flag license plate?

4. "You know what's really frightening? You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but it's true. You've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote." (Source)

O'Reilly said the above quote to Daily Show host Jon Stewart in September of 2004. The implication is an ad hominem attack on Stewart's audience for what they believe. A left leaning comedy show obviously only appeals to slackers who use illegal drugs.

5. On his September 19, 2007 radio program, while discussing his recent dinner at a famous restaurant in Harlem, Bill O'Reilly said, "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship." O'Reilly later added, "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all." O'Reilly also stated: "I think black Americans are starting to think more and more for themselves. They're getting away from the Sharptons and the [Rev. Jesse] Jacksons and the people trying to lead them into a race-based culture. They're just trying to figure it out. 'Look, I can make it. If I work hard and get educated, I can make it." (Source)

Say what, O'Reilly? Blacks can actually pass for human beings? That is, they can when they denounce Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton? The irony here is that Bill O'Reilly made his original restaurant comment after having dinner with Al Sharpton. But is humor completely lost on our pal Bill O'Reilly? Consider the next statement.

6. While hosting a charity event for an urban school back in 2003 where an African-American singing group called "The Best Men" were late to show up, O'Reilly quipped to the largely black audience, "Does anyone know where the Best Men are? I hope they're not in the parking lot stealing our hubcaps." (Source)

Rimshot! I believe this may have been a poor attempt at humor. Unfortunately for Bill O'Reilly, he was the only one laughing. That's because Archie Bunker isn't funny anymore.

These next two quotations are similar to one another.

7. "That's my advice to all homosexuals, whether they're in the Boy Scouts, or in the Army or in high school: Shut up, don't tell anybody what you do, your life will be a lot easier."

8. "Americans will respect your beliefs if you just keep them private. Keep it private."

These quotes wouldn't be so incredibly stupid if only Bill O'Reilly had not later said,

9. "So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business..." (Source)

To be fair, he didn't intend this quote to be public. But when a Fox News producer filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against him in 2004, the smoking gun made Bill O'Reilly's falafel front page news. So I feel obligated to send the following urgent message Fedex to Fox News, attention: Bill O'Reilly:

"This is my advice to Bill O'Reilly, whether you're on the radio or on your private phone line wiretapped by Bush's Homeland Security: Shut up, don't tell anybody what you'd like to do with your falafel, your life will be a lot easier."

And Bill O'Reilly's dumbest quote of all is:

10. "This is a no-spin zone."

Then why does Bill O'Reilly vomit every time he opens his mouth?