Bipolar Disorder 1 with Psychotic Features

Bipolar Disorder with psychotic features is about the worst bipolar diagnosis you can get. I received this diagnosis the hard way, after being committed to the hospital because of a psychotic break last year.

It was the worst experience of my life. It's no fun going crazy.

I have it mostly under control at this point. I know to take my meds. The meds have nasty side effects, and I understand why people with mental disorders refuse to take them. I understand why some commit suicide.

Most of the time, I am a normal person, just like you. I don't act strange or do and say weird things on a day-to-day basis. But there are times when I do. That is when I am in the height of mania or having a brush with psychosis. This doesn't happen often, and I have meds to bring me back to reality. Manic depression goes in cycles.

After my break, I was in a deep, deep depression for about eight months. I suspect the depression was caused from the manic depressive cycle but also from the meds themselves. The meds are a problem in their own. They cause lethargy among many other bad side effects.

It's hard to recover from a depression when you are exhausted all day long. it's hard to focus on anything. Absolutely everything is a chore.

But eventually, the depression goes away and turns into mania. For me, there isn't much of a transition period. Mine lasted only a matter of days. You start waking up and feeling good instead of bad. Eventually, you start to feel great and start to going in the opposite direction: not sleeping, full of energy, starting project after project. In my case, mania slides into psychosis, especially when I start forgetting to take my meds and start sleeping only a few hours a night.

This is when it's time to up the meds. And the process starts all over again.