Bipolar Spouse Has 2 Mental Breakdowns in 2 Years and I Got a PFA

Living in a bipolar marriage was something I choose not to do. There were many difficulties way the illness was treated and it was a very unsettling life. My now ex husband is bipolar. It made our marriage, hell my entire existence a living nightmare for a long time.

In 1999, he was thought to have just bad depression, so we did lots of counseling. He was in counseling a few times a week, Mondays were his solo day, Wednesday's he, I would do martial counseling, and it was family counseling on Friday afternoons. We remained like that for a few months, but soon it was just weekly visits and we took turns between solo and martial counseling.

I had educated my self on the disorder by reading quite a bit out here, talking with his doctors and mental health counselors and I even bought many books on the subject. I did not have the disorder my husband did. He still has it but how he deals with this know is his own undertaking and is no real concern of mine.

He was diagnosed with the bipolar in early May 2000 after having a complete mental break down. He yelled at me for over 6 hours for being five minutes late. What happened the night is something I will never forget as long as I have my mind.

My friend Karen and I were five minutes late getting home from a night class at college as she has asked the instructor about one of the problems we had. Karen knew I would be in trouble when I got home as she has heard him yell at me before so she sped down the highway. Hitting 90 on the highway was not enough and I was 5 minutes late getting home.

I walked into my house and he began to yell at me as I sat my book bag down, there was nothing I could say to stop him. He told me how my mom said to throw me out next time I was late. I was wondering why my mom would say such a thing but I knew better then to ask. It was 8:35 pm and I would listen to him yell at me for being a lousy wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and person and yes even a lousy human over the next 6 hours. Half of the stuff he was ranting about I knew were lies but I did not know about the other stuff because I being so put down it was hard to think straight. I remember sitting back in my chair with my legs folded up and he got quiet finally. He looked at me and told me he was the boss and I was not to go to college or out of the house without him. He said I was not to answer the phone or do anything so much as breathe without him knowing.

I just looked at him and quietly said if this is your kind of love, I do not want it anymore. I want a divorce. He just looked at me, at first I seen anger come across his face, and it was as if the light in him blinked and went out. He backed up against the counter and slid down the cupboard and he begins to cry. Huge silent tears, this was all new to me and I did not realize what had happened and but I knew I had to get him out of the house as something just did not feel right.

He cried these sobbing tears and he finally quit after a long time, and I told he needed to go to the hospital to see if they could help him. He called a few hours later to tell me he was being admitted to the mental health unit. He had a complete mental breakdown. When it was light outside I called a lawyer about a divorce. I also talked with his doctor and the doctor told me why he had been admitted. He had a complete mental breakdown and would need to be there for a week at least. I was more determined then ever to get a divorce, because it felt like the real thing to do.

My husband wanted to see the children and only two of them wanted to see him, so I took them up. I watched them interact with their father and I seen many changes within my husband that night.

I realize now that those changes had only occurred because he was medicated but this is 7 years later and now I all too clearly see what happened. Back then, I was impressed with the changes and I decided to try my marriage. I was brought up to believe in my vows, so it was only natural to put my fears aside. After all the vows say in sickness, health, and this was an illness.

Things were smooth until December of 2000 when he decides that he no longer needed the medicines, so he stopped them. He was changing as early as January 2001 but I was too busy with college and the kids, and I attributed the changes to stress. I did not know he quit taking his meds until the end of January when I thought to check his medicine to go refill it. I questioned him about it and he said he did not feel as if he needed to take it any longer. I was very naïve and figured that perhaps he was right; he seemed so with it that day.

In March we were back to the same crap, I asked him to go back on his psych medicines, and he told me he did not need them. He decided we needed a trial separation so he moved out 2 days before our 15^th anniversary. Then on our anniversary as I was returning to the house after doing some errands and some woman met me at the door with a very graphic photo of a threesome and there was my husbands tattoo in plain view. Thought my husband had his back to the camera, I know it was his arm, you see he has a very noticeable tattoo of a wizard on his right bicep so it was easy to spot.

That I thought would be the last I seen of him, I was wrong of course. He did disappear for 8 months; he did not even come to see the children even though he worked in the valley we lived. He was very heavy into drinking beer, enjoying his women and enjoying smoking pot and God knows what to even care about his family.

In December of 2001, he has to miss the children, so he began coming back around. Our sons went to stay with him but that soon stopped when they would be stranded out in the middle of nowhere in a house full of drunken adults. Our boys desperately wanted to see their father, so they went but they did not enjoy their visits and the older one just stopped.

Bu April 1 of 2002 he was drinking heavily. He decided one night to come by and persuade me to allow him back into our home. The bad part of this was it was two in the morning and he was drunk. I talked with him at the back door, and tried to persuade him to come back when it was light, because the kids were sleeping and I did not want them upset. Well he ended up staying for an hour out on the back porch trying to convince me and I told him look if you do not leave I am going to call the police. He finally left about three that morning.

He did come back in the afternoon and he and I were talking once more. He stood in the drive way and I stood on the porch. My neighbor Joe, who is also my fathers friend was listening from his house and ready to step in should I need him. I felt okay about standing there on the porch talking to him until he said we could continue this marriage without our children. I watched that same blank stare come over him and I become very frightened

I bolted back into the house and locked the door behind me, he followed me and began knocking on the back door I was less then 3 feet from him behind a locked door and he began yelling, let me in, I need you. I just kept repeating go to work, leave now and he would not. Then he began pounding on the door, which had 9 glass panels in it and I knew he could easily break the glass so I race to the phone and called 911. I was talking to a nice woman on dispatch and she could hear him banging on the doors, and she told officers to go fast. I was shaking so much I could barely hold the phone as she tried to calm me down. She asked me if all the doors were locked and I went to check on the front door and as soon as I turned the handle to lock it, he was banging on it trying to get in. The woman told me officers were here, I looked out, and sure enough, they were. I say them frisk my ex and while one officer continued to speak with him the other officer came to the door to speak with me. They asked if I wanted to press charges, and I was in shock and said no, and they escorted him off my property and told him not to contact me.

The kids came home shortly after that and overheard me telling my dad I was fine. Joe had called my dad when he seen the cops frisking my ex, and dad was listening to the scanner. I left out a lot of what had just happened and tried to answer their questions. My ex had scared the kids the night before and they needed extra attention.

We went to my parents for supper that night and when we returned home, I logged into check my yahoo email. I seen two emails from my ex and he had put my name as his outgoing email name so it appeared I had sent email to myself. The subject of these emails sent a chill down my spine. The first one read I will kill myself and make it look like an accident, and the second one read I love you why are you doing this. I did not open the emails, but instead called the police and my sister's 6 foot 5 boyfriend also showed up. I sent the kids next door while the men opened the email. You see the emails were traced back to my ex even thought they appeared to be sent from me. What those emails contained was threats to the kids and me. My ex also made threats to kill himself in those emails. The officer copied the emails, sent a copy of them to the station, and got back in contact with the police in the town my ex was living and told those cops what was going on. Again, my ex was told to leave me alone, by the cops. I was told to go ahead in the morning and get a Protection from Abuse order.

A few hours later while signing him back into the local hospitals psyche ward he called me. Now he has deified the direct order of three cops to not contact me, and I called back over to the station. Yet another officer arrives at my house so I can press charges this time. My ex is arrested right there in the hospital's emergency room for harassment and then he is taken to the psych unit.

I go down to the courthouse the next morning and get a PFA, and my ex is served it about 4:30 that afternoon. He calls the house at 4:35 and I called back over to the station and told them he had called once more. When they go to talk to him, he admitted he called me after he got the PFA. He is also arrested for rape while in the psych unit for a female patient and is accused of having sex with more then a few of them. He is arrested for breaking the PFA the moment he discharged from the psyche unit. He spends a few nights in the county jail and leaves us alone until the PFA expires.

PFA's are great when you need them, but too many people these days use them incorrectly. They get them and then stop them with a week or two and that should not happen. I stopped mine after six months but that in another story.