Birdie Flies Again

DR. SUSIE NANA: Sexologlist

Shirley: Mother of pregnant JACY

Charlie: Dead guy shrink wrapped

BIRDIE: Advice giving bird

ANTONIO: Spanish lover of Dawn but it didn't work out.

HARRIET: A seer

HARRIET
I feel, I feel . . .

BIRDIE
What?

HARRIET
Death.

BIRDIE
It's probably the dead guy splatted in front of you, wack-o!

Antonio
What a terrible tragedy.

Birdie
What a mess.

Shirley
If you ask me, he got what he deserved. Once again it is I the taxpayer who must foot the bill for the clean-up.

Birdie
(Wiping away tears with his wing)
He was a flyer.

Antonio
He wanted what everybody wants.

SHIRLEY BIRDIE
What? What?

ANTONIO
Love!

HARRIET
I feel that.

SHIRLEY
Poppy Cock!

BIRDIE
(Looking around desperately)
Where?

SHIRLEY
No, that's an expression, stupid.

BIRDIE
(Disappointed)
Shit, I thought it was my Poppy.

ANTONIO
(Brightening)
Was he a cock, too!

SHIRLEY
Cocks! That's all you men think about.

Antonio
And love.
(Moves closer to SHIRLEY)
Te adoro!
(He sniffs Harriet's hair)
Your hair smells like passion's flower.

BIRDIE
(Sniffs under his wings)
I think I smell something, too.
(Continues sniffing)
It's the dead guy.

HARRIET
(Touching her forehead as if receiving a message)
I feel lost love.
Did he lose a love?

BIRDIE
Yea, his money.
(Laughs and flaps his wings vigorously)
Then his footing.

Suddenly a woman comes along. SHE sees the smashed body of the stockbroker.
(BEAT)
DR. NANA appears and seeing the smashed dead man, swoons into the arms of ANTONIO.

SHIRLEY

(With disgust)
It's that hussy.

ANTONIO
She fell into my life like an angel from, from . . .
(ANTONIO looks heaven bound)

BIRDIE
The seventh floor?

ANTONIO
No! Heaven you dumb shit.

DR. NANA revives and looks directly into the eyes of ANTONIO.

DR. SUSIE NANA
Did I dream it, or did I see a . . . ?
(SHE turns and sees the smashed remains of the stockbroker)
It's too awful.

BIRDIE
No, it's the stockbroker . . . was the stockbroker that is until . . .
(HE pivots on one leg as falls spirals downward)
I yelled, "Flap fool!" But he stopped, real sudden like . . .

SHIRLEY
You remind me of my brother, Charlie..

BIRDIE
Your mother was stupid enough to repeat the same mistake and birthed again.

ANTONIO
(Concerned)
Digame!

SHIRLEY
(Bragging)
I'll have you know he donated his body to science.

DR. NANA
How wonderful.

HARRIET
I feel I have to say something.

SHIRLEY
He was shrink wrapped, and then there was this awful fire.
(SHE cries phoney tears)

DR. NANA
You must have been devastated.

SHIRLEY
(Recovering too quickly)
Not really.

ANTONIO
How he must have suffered. How you must have suffered.
(He moves in close)
Let me feel your pain.
(HE places his hand over SHIRLEY's right breast)
Si, Si, I feel your pain.

DR. NANA
(Grabbing her own breast seductively)
Oh, Antonio feel my pain.

BIRDIE
(To ANTONIO)
Sick prick!

ANTONIO
(Holding his crotch)
It is?

DR. NANA
What do you think, Harriet?

SHIRLEY
The doctor did all he could for Charlie and then . . .

DR. NANA, BIRDIE
And then? And then?

ANTONIO
I feel your pain.

SHIRLEY
Somebody's damn dog dragged off his body.

HARRIET
I feel he was totally consumed.

DR. NANA
How awful. Was the dog all right?

SHIRLEY
The dog buried him in a garden.

ANTONIO
I feel everybody's pain.

DR. NANA
And then?

ANTONIO
Exito? Cara mia?

DR. NANA
This is all too tragic.
(SHE begins to pick at the center of her head)
I need to relax.

ANTONIO
Can I be of service?
(HE bows)

DR. NANA begins to pick at the center of HIS head.

DR. NANA
Yea, I think you'll do nicely,
(Something oozes from ANTONIO's head.)

BIRDIE
Look!

ALL look skyward.

SHIRLEY is standing on the ledge.

BIRDIE
Don't move! I'll be right there.

ANTONIO
What a waste of a woman.

DR. NANA
(Scooping up the ooze from ANTONIO's )
What an asshole of a man.

BIRDIE
Here I go.
(BIRDIE flies upward)

SHIRLEY
Don't come any closer.

BIRDIE
I'm gonna enjoy this splat.

DR. SUSIE NANA