Birth Order and Your Family: Understand Your Children Better

Aside from temperament, personality, genetics and environment, some psychology experts feel there is another component to making you who you are. These psychologists and other family life experts feel that your birth order helps determine how you move through life and how you perceive different events in your life.

Birth order charts are roughly broken up into three categories: oldest or firstborn; middle child or children; youngest or baby of the family. The personality differences between these three categories are amazingly consistent and uniform. Researchers of birth order theory think that birth order is even a bigger influence than gender.

Let's start off with the oldest. I am one of those firstborn children, and I can say that most of these characteristics are true.

Oldest children have been usurped by the second born, and have to learn to share, usually at a young age. Generally, the parents expect so much more of the oldest children, and the firstborns usually rise to a high level of responsibility. Many times, a firstborn child will try to become a "mini-parent". An oldest child can have a tendency to be too strict, or want too much power. The good news is, most CEOs and presidents have been firstborn children. There is also some research that indicates firstborn children earn more than any of the other categories.

Middle children are also called "sandwich" children, and can often feel squeezed in or insignificant. After all, they have an older sibling to live up to, and a younger one to defer to. A lot of times, though, these middle children, end up being conciliatory and even tempered. Some of them even fight against injustice as they see it. And some of these middle children have trouble finding their place in the family, and in life. These differences depend on temperament and the overall family life. Many diplomats and peacemakers come from the middle of a family.

Youngest children are also called the "babies of the family." These babies can frequently be spoiled and act like spoiled children well into adulthood. They are characterized by having grandiose plans that never quite work out and wanting to be "bigger" than other people. They can also be adept at getting other people to do things for them, but being so charming that most of the time, these others don't mind helping them.

These are just very general characteristics of birth order. Do any of them point to things you see in your own children?

Perhaps in these days of two children families, a study of simply older and younger children would be more applicable. In these smaller families, the oldest still tends to be conscientious, responsible, a people pleaser, and rule keeper. The younger child tends to be more rebellious, perhaps to steal the parents' attention away from the perfect older child. Younger siblings tend to be more risk takers and even to indulge in dangerous pastimes.

Examples of famous older/younger pairings that follow these guidelines would be: former President Jimmy Carter and his hapless brother Billy, with his beer making business; or the former President Bill Clinton and his brother Roger with his singing career that never quite worked out and his public drug problem. History points out that leaders of revolutions like Karl Marx and Fidel Castro were these rebellious younger siblings.

Both children in our two child family are under five, but already I can see some of these tendencies played out: the older is cautious when it comes to playing in water, or trying new things, while the younger rushes headlong into danger, not noticing flimsy barriers in the way.

While temperament differences and overall family life influence children a great deal, these birth order characteristics can offer us additional insight into what makes our kids tick.