Birth Plans for a Single Mother

All happy endings don't have to end with the classic 'boy meets girl, and they live happily every after' story. In reality, things do not always work out that way, and if you are reading this, you have more than likely encountered this type of tale. But it is not a tale of woe, in your case. It's a tale of happiness, because you're carrying a precious life, and you are about to be a mother, which is the most special, rewarding, and most important job in the entire world. To help ensure that the delivery of the baby is as pleasant an experience as it can be, you will have to develop a birth plan. The birth plan must be written down, so you don't forget. And you can write it in pencil, because, hey, you're a woman...and there's nothing wrong with changing your mind!

Since you are a single mother, you'll maybe want to have someone in the birthing room with you. If you don't have any close family or friends who will attend or who live near, you may consider hiring a birthing partner, or a doula, who will help you through the transitions of labor and delivery. You can find a doula in your area online or in the phone book. You can call several, meet them, and decide upon who you feel most comfortable with. This is one of the first parts of your birth plan...do you want someone in the room with you? And if so, who? Also, decide who will take pictures, or if you want to video tape the whole event and what you would like videotaped/photographed, and what you wish to avoid.

First, you need to decide where you want to have the baby. Do you want to deliver in the comfort of your own home? Do you want to deliver in the safety of a hospital, or in the soothing waters of a birthing room tub?

Then you need to decide how you will handle labor. If you've never labored before, you may not be prepared for the pains. Do you want to be able to walk around? Do you want to be able to eat and drink? Will it be okay if ice chips are fed to you? Is it okay with you if the baby's heart rate is monitored, as well as other baby statistical information that is recorded? Do you want to say No to an enema? What kind of music will you bring with you to the hospital? Do you feel like you need an IV at all times to stay hydrated?

At this point, you can decide what kind of birth you want to have. Considering that you have a healthy pregnancy with no complications, do you want a vaginal birth? Would you consider a C-section? Whatever you decide, it's important that you read and watch videos concerning both to prepare yourself for what is to come.

If you decide to have a C-Section, you do have a few options you can play around with in the birth plan. You can choose to have a spinal block or epidural, and of course you would have to do research to see which is your preference. Check first if the hospital even offers this choice to you when performing a C-Section. All hospitals have different policies on what they do for every surgery and what they leave open for option.

You will need to think about how you want to birth. Do you want to wait out the 40 weeks and birth naturally, or do you want to be induced? What about your water bag...do you want nature to do the work, or do you mind if the doctor breaks your water? Induction has it's pros and cons, but a good point of inductions is that the patient and doctor can schedule a good time for both to be ready for the birth. The induction can last a few hours or even a few days depending on the circumstances and the mother. But induction introduces a new topic for your birth plan...medications and drugs.

Do you want to have drugs? Do you want an epidural? Do you wish to not be offered any at all? If you decide on an epidural, make sure to include it in the birth plan so that the nurses and hospital staff can do all the necessary prerequisites and paper work that comes with that particular medication. If you have never given birth before and are absolutely adamant about not using drugs, I would advise that you leave the option open...just in case...because you never, ever truly know until you are experiencing the truly terrifying and beautiful event yourself.

What about the option of an episiotomy? Are you okay with the doctor making room for the baby's head by making an incision to widen the vaginal area? If you feel that you may need one, do you wish for an anesthetic when the doctor is repairing the area? You also have options for during delivery. It's important to note what position you would like to labor in, and how much help you feel you may need. If you don't want too much interference, let it be known in advance with the birth plan. Some mothers don't like being told when to push, so keep this in mind when writing the birth plan. Do you want to be coached along, or do you want nature to tell you when to push?

Since you are a single mother, you have the option of cutting the cord yourself! What an honor! You can express this in your birth plan. Or you can have a family member do the deed. Also, would you like to donate the cord blood, and would you like to see the placenta after you have given birth? Give your choices a voice with your birth plan! After you have the baby, you can plan on what kind of feeding you would like the baby to have. Would it be okay with you if they fed the baby formula, or do you want to exclusively breast feed? IF the baby is a boy, do you want him circumcised? If you don't want the baby to be separated from you, let it be known. If it's okay with you that the baby stay in the nursery at night, write it down.

The birth is about you. You are the mother, and for the most part, you get to dictate how you wish for things to go. Do keep in mind, however, that no matter how detailed a birth plan can be, things may go completely different, so keep this in mind. I say this because I was adamant and head strong on giving a natural birth. Since my labor was induced, I was given a high dosage of pitocin, and that kicked my labor pains into a terrible, high gear. I couldn't stand the pain anymore and my oxygen was getting low due to irregular breathing, so after 6 hours of pain, I was given the epidural. I was not expecting it, but I did keep that option open just in case. And I am glad I did. I do feel bad about not having a natural birth, but you do at the time what must be done to keep the baby healthy, as well as yourself.

Whatever you do, keep an open mind. Anything can happen that is not expected. A birth plan is to outline your wishes, and most of the wishes will come true. But just know that there will be at least a few things that may not go as planned. And if they don't, that's okay...the important thing is that you give birth to a baby, and that both are finally united after a long 9 months in the womb. Congratulations, and enjoy writing the birth plan. Enjoy planning the beautiful union with your little loved one.