Birthdays

People typically have mixed reactions about growing older. Some avoid birthdays, other celebrate half-heartedly, while others understand how tenuous life is and celebrate with all they have.

Today is June 7, 2010. It is my thirty-third birthday. Like a young child, I woke up early to begin the day though my presents and cake were given to me yesterday. My birthdays have all been wonderful. I could spend this article writing about having a craniotomy for a brain tumor, a mastectomy for breast cancer, a dysgerminoma and relapse, as well as many more health problems during earlier birthdays. I refuse to focus on the negative. After the stage IV relapse in 1992, my doctors questioned if I would live to see 16 years old. I have more than doubled their expectations. My double blessings of a son and daughter make my faith stronger.

It is good to follow physician's orders but as far as prognosis goes, there is either a 0 percent chance or a 100 percent chance of survival. This birthday is quite different. When my mom said yesterday it could be my last without her, I could not stop the tears. My mom is strong and a fighter but we are all mortal and she is fighting colon cancer that has spread to her liver. This year I've had to grow up immeasurably. Only two weeks ago I lost a young cousin in a car accident. The words told to me while going through chemotherapy ring so true. None of us have a guarantee of tomorrow so we should love today with all we have.

I am now 33 years old. Thirty-three is not old by most standards but with the wear and tear on my body, I feel it. I ignore the wear and tear and try my best to enjoy however many years God wants me to spend time on this wonderful earth with my family. I see the unfairness of poverty, crime, and other things we do to each other and it makes me sad. It seems like we live our lives feeling so separate from each other when we should band together to help each other through the hard times. By no means does everyone ignore that. We have seen many people visit my mom in her illness. Life should be something we are all together in. We all have problems and love may not conquer them but it helps.

Once upon a time I had dreams of being a lawyer. My focus was on school and money. Health problems interfered and my focus changed when my children were born. When we realize that life isn't just about ourselves, we grow up. The year 32 grew me up enormously.

The year 33 scares me tremendously. With my mom so sick, it will be another miracle for her to survive a year. My year 16 was a miracle as was every year after that. I won't give up on the one who never gave up on me. Today she has a liver biopsy and I told her if it hurt to remember 33 years ago when I was ready to make my entrance into the world. There is nothing more painful than seeing my best friend so sick. Maybe it is in part biological. My mom has been with me for 33 years. Will she been there for 34?