Black Friday 2009: Let the Hours of Carnage Begin

Black Friday 2009 to many people means the opportunity to get great deals on hot holiday items at stores like Wal Mart, Best Buy, and Target, but from what I've seen, Black Friday is indeed one of the darkest days of the year, where sweet housewives and mothers are transformed into greedy monsters and shopping becomes a demolition derby. So in honor of Black Friday 2009 and all of the carnage that will take place during the few hours that stores will be offering deals and steals, here's a Black Friday 2009 poem (heavy metal style, of course):

Merry Christmas, it's your favorite time of year
But before Santa Claus can make it here
It's time to get real naughty in the greediest kind of way
Counting down the hours until Black Friday

In the dark and cold they'll stand and wait
Glaring at each other full of greed and hate
Sizing up their competition while they wait to push through the door
Determined to save as much as they can on what they came there for

Moms will don black sweaters covered in jingle bells
While Wal Mart and Best Buy are transformed into fluorescent hells
Where lost souls rush the aisles desperately in search of deals
Not caring if they push, shove, or even steal

You better watch out roaming down the aisles of Wal Mart
Because some crazy mom could run you over with her cart
And it Target you might have a target on your back
If someone sees that you've got what they want in your sack

On Black Friday there is no spirit of giving or love of fellow man
Just a mad desire to grab as many cheap electronics as one can
Some come to fight for the hot toys with which their kids will never play
And others come to get deals on items they will resell on eBay

Black Friday only last for just a few hours
But this hate-filled holiday is one of amazing power
People are drawn to it like a moth to a flame
And promises of great deals seem to drive them insane

Those that immerge from this carnage with their plunder
Eventually seem to come out from the spell that they're under
And after they've looked at all the losers with a triumphant sneer
They slowly return to normal and vow not to return next year

But once Black Friday has gotten hold of your soul
This black holiday just won't let you go
You'll find yourself unable to come to terms with paying full price
Even if it means being naughty and not playing nice

So to keep your holiday spirit, you better pray
That your soul isn't in the hold of Black Friday