Black Friday Lottery

It used to be claimed that bowling had the largest participation of any sport.

Experts now think that there has been a paradigm shift in thinking about what exactly is considered sport. For instance, food channels on cable are now stuffed with stories about competitive eating, and Nathan's Hot Dogs in New York makes a big beef out of their competitive hot dog eating contest each year.

Now the sporting arena has shifted to shopping. And Black Friday is the Super Bowl of shopping. Millions line up at mostly big box retailers days in advance to await the opening of the magic doors that will lead to intense bargains on plasma televisions, I-pods, vegetable steamers and even chia pets. They could easily be confused with some of the Occupy Wall street protestors, except that these eager folks in line, huddled in tents, eating canned food and needing a bath, are out to join capitalism with sport.

One person camped outside a Wal-Mart in suburban Chicago, Jake Braekes, talked about his week-long wait this way. "Television means the world to me. In fact, it is my world. I know there is a great deal on a new 78 inch plasma TV inside, and I will do anything to improve my life. I'm also doing it for my children. This will make it a better world for them."

Braekes sentiments were echoed by many at this suburban Wal-Mart, but also by others at Target and Best Buy stores.

What Braekes and others do not realize is that next year they will have to take a chance on whether or not they can occupy this street in front of Wal-Mart or any other, due to the new Black Friday Lottery.

The Black Friday Lottery is a joint action undertaken by Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, Home Depot and others, in conjunction with the Department of Homeland Security, to produce a calmer Black Friday that results in less pepper spraying incidents, fewer deadly shootings and less injuries to women, children and minorities.

A Department of Homeland Security spokespersons said : "The mass chaos produced by the Black Friday events are ripe for exploitation by both homegrown and foreign terrorists."

The Black Friday Lottery is only part of the plan.

The Homeland Security spokesperson added that, "The new Black Friday Lottery will only reserve for the first 100 people who line up in front of your retail outlet. The rest of people who will be allowed to line up will have to pay for that privilege. Entering the lottery will be free, so far, for anybody, and can be done in line or through your local Department of Motor Vehicle location. Once the lottery spaces are filled, then there is a per person line-up cost, which the bigger merchandisers have stated to be $20 per person, with a discount for five or more in the same party of $2 per person or $18 per person in line."

No matter what, the total number of people in line will be limited to no more than 200 at any given hour.

As an added measure of protection, the same X-ray scanners now in use in many airports will be used at especially high density, mostly urban locations.

When asked about his reactions to the new Black Friday lottery, Braekes said that he is not happy to have to first take a chance to get lucky in line, nor is he happy to have to pay up to twenty dollars, but, "If it helps make Black Friday a safe holiday and event for millions, then it is worth it." Others in line expressed the same sentiments, though there was concern about whether the X-ray scanners would going too far, in that many have not had the chance to change under ware in days.

Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, Home Depot and even K-Mart, refused to comment at this time on the Black Friday lottery.

Across from the same line that snaked around the Wal-mart where Braekes waited, a lone Occupy Wall street protester banged on a drum. When asked her reaction, Lilly, said that she hoped that there will be somebody who can possibly loan her the $20 next year, as her drum will be too beat up to use then and a place in line will guarantee her the chance to replace it at a bargain.