Black Men and Molestation

Childhood sexual abuse eats at the soul and destroys the spirit of its victims. One out of every six men has suffered from some form of childhood sexual abuse by the age of 18. Male childhood sexual abuse is a startling reality for the black community that is kept in the secret status of taboo. The fact of the matter is that men and boys are always the last to admit to being sexually molested due to the stigma tied to the act.

As a survivor of childhood molestation at the hands of several family members including my biological father, I know all too well the heart ache and mental anguish that comes from this experience. The horrendous fallout of this experience has devastating repercussion for its victims. Drug abuse, depression, physiological and psychological addictions are just a few of the issues faced by men who suffer from childhood sexual abuse. But more than that, black men especially suffer from the taboo, the fear and the denial of others not only in their communities but also in their own immediate families. The horror of the unmentionable acts tied to being the sexual slave of another person; the fear of being seen as less than a man; the anxiety of being seen as a perpetrator because we were the victims of sexual abuse is a lifetime burden carried by these sufferers.

But how do we heal from this pain? How do we let go of the past? After standing with 200 male survivors on the Oprah Winfrey Show back on November 5, 2010, I realized that forgiveness heals all wounds. First, we must start with forgiving ourselves for believing that we "allowed it to happen". So many times, we blame ourselves for what we think we could have controlled or stopped when in reality the blame rest with the perpetrator not the victim. Secondly, we must forgive ourselves for giving up. Sometimes we simply, in order for survival, play along with the perpetrator unaware that we are reacting in a way to something that we had no control over. And finally, we must forgive the event and the people involved. Write a letter, do a police report, confront your perpetrator, tell someone your story, do whatever you can start along the pathway of forgiveness and healing. Forgiveness is a way for us to reclaim our own power and self worth.

For more information on male childhood sexual abuse please visit http://www.malesurvivor.org/