"BLACK WOMEN, NOT MARRYING, CAN BLAME the CHURCH"

NEW REPORT CLAIMS THAT THE BLACK CHURCH IS TO BLAME . . . FOR SO MANY BLACK WOMEN BEING SINGLE!! (INTERESTING THEORY . . . DO YOU AGREE??)

August 15, 2010. MediaTakeOut.com learned that a blogger named Deborah Cooper set off a FIRESTORM when she posted on her blog, SurvivingDating.com, a new THEORY on why so many of us Black women are single. And according to her, it's the CHURCH that's keeping us single. Here's the author's THEORY:

Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that's who!

CNN couldn't WAIT to jump in and BLAST the Black church. Here is what they're reporting: Big Miller Grove Missionary Baptist Church, a predominately African-American Baptist church in Atlanta, is holding a seminar on the question of faith's role in marital status on August 20.

"Black women are interpreting the scriptures too literally. They want a man to which they are 'equally yoked' -- a man that goes to church five times a week and every Sunday just like they do," Cooper said in a recent interview.
"If they meet a black man that is not in church, they are automatically eliminated as a potential suitor. This is just limiting their dating pool." The traditional structure and dynamics of black churches, mostly led by black men, convey submissive attitudes to women, Cooper says, encouraging them to be patient -- instead of getting up and going after what they want. We can't Co-Sign on any of this mess.

Now with putting all that aside because I highly feel it is just utterance of words, I will give my own opinion as to why I feel this way. First of all I am a black thirty-three year old female who grew up in the South; Alabama to be exact. I grew up with my mother and father in the home and a city surrounded with family and friends who held strong to the standing ground of holiness. I was taught growing up that the best type of man is one who can be a provider, the head of the home, a lover of the same God as the wife and someone who can love as God loves his church; meaning his people. God loves his people unconditional and is a very forgiving God. From reading this article it states through the eyes of Deborah Cooper, "it is her belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles make women submissive to and inferior to men, which greatly limits females. Deborah Cooper states; single black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. She questions who is doing this to Black women? She strongly suggest it is the male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader."

These statements made are not true. While it is true that woman are taught to understand why it is considered for them to be the weaker vessel as God ordained, patient, submissive to the head of house, loving, nurturers, to be pure and Godly; supports valid reason to engaging herself with a man who is going to be right for her. I have never been taught to be inferior, beneath or afraid of a man. I have only been taught to be soft and gentle verses a man who is suppose to be hard and enduring. I am not saying that a woman cannot have these traits but it should not be the leading traits in her life. Deborah claims that women are sitting in church every Sunday being brainwashed into waiting for a man to magically appear; not true at all. The woman should not be out here searching for a man but she should certainly ordain herself in a fashion to attract the right one. The church teaches us to surely be equally yoked and it is not the church fault if the black woman misconstrues that meaning. You cannot blame the church for a woman wanting to believe that a man has to go to church five times a day for her to believe he is a Godly man; because that is not what we are taught. I personally believe overall that the words, "equally yoked" or "unequally yoked" have become misunderstood altogether by many.

Many believe that being unequally yoked refers to the differences of religion and beliefs; example: "Muslim and Christians." What many don't know is that Muslim and Christians both belief in God and Jesus, Muslims pray five times a day, do a fast for a month period of time every year and they don't eat pork; believed to be unclean. Whereas Christians fast when they feel it is necessary and believe any meat is good for eating. The only major difference as far as a belief is that the Muslim takes the bible a step farther by saying that Muhammad was the mentioned prophet to have said to come after Jesus. It does not mean that either is unequally yoked to each other. Both religions believe there is a God and he should be highly loved and respected; sounds equally yoked to me. Everybody is finding reason to blame the church for their misunderstandings and misconstrued beliefs and blaming the black church for black women loneliness is by far the worse.

What is keeping our black woman lonely is herself. You cannot be selfish, extremely hard, unable to talk with, hold a grudge for a man wanting you to be softer than him, needing you to be beside him and not in front of him and just over all allowing the man to be a man. Nobody is telling you to be a pushover, emotionally, physically or mentally open to being abused by an over the top controlling man. Personally, I would never stay in a relationship that belittles me. It is disrespect to blame the church for the black woman or black man faults. If indeed traditional gender roles had been kept then we might be in a better time. Women knew how to keep their mouth and legs closed back in the day and marriages were abundant and long lasting. Men were standing ground and not approaching a woman unless he knew he could take care of her and allow her to be the woman while showing himself strong. God was definitely the head of house, and then came husband, wife and kids. I said all that to say this: "DON'T BLAME THE BLACK CHURCH FOR DISMANTLING YOURSELF."