Blather Blather Blah Blah My Own Agenda Rocks Yours Sucks

When one is confronted with someone with poor communication skills who needs to manipulate everything to be their own way, they may feel like an ant on the ground in front of a rhinoceros, seeing the impending consequences of a giant foot with giant toenails coming down to squash the ant's poor body. Those with martyr and victim attitudes who refuse to listen to other people and their perspectives without getting mortally offended are like a rhinoceros about to stomp on an ant.

Unfortunately, for all those whose communication skills need some polishing, they still need to work for their keep on earth just like everyone else, and if the employer hasn't eliminated them in the interview, they either languish on the job, going to their own fate (reduction of hours before being plopped into another line of work where they can again make the same mistakes), or they may actually be very needed on the job and the workplace puts up with them because of their efficiency, productivity, and ability to get things done. The question is, "Can the rhino be trained not to stomp on ants?" If you don't perceive the difficult person as a rhino bullying everyone else, and you arm yourself with courses on difficult people and how to effectively communicate with those who aren't listening.

How many people who need jobs don't have any insight into their own communication behaviors or anyone else's? Insights into effective communication skills ought to be a requirement for an associate degree in college. Unfortunately, life's requirements for success are not always taught in college, or even in elementary school. The rhino didn't teach its young not to stomp on ants. For those on the playground who are the loners, communication skills may be elusive. They never learn to deal with the teases, the taunts, and the rejection that come with school. They may learn their communication from books: and may be avid readers, the geeks, so to speak.

It is said that in order for communication to be effective, it must be clearly understood. What if the hearer has their own agenda? What if the hearer is too busy to bother with your concerns? These block the understanding that people could otherwise have when speaking with each other.

To a person who has decided to take control of everyone else's lives but their own and no ideas besides their own matter, you could enunciate clearly and they would either ask "What?" due to inattention or they would ask for a repeat of information you have already given. Listening skills to them are nonexistent. But if you said something else, they could hear you from another room perfectly. I call it selective hearing. Here's an example of selective hearing not from work but from elsewhere: Person 1: "I figured out why my car is dripping. There is a hole in the bottom of my trunk and a container of oil got punctured and that is why it is leaking oil underneath the back end of the car." Question from hearer: "Did you find out why it was dripping?" At that time all one could do is go away and marvel and mutter to oneself, "Selective hearing!"

One of the most practical things anyone can do in a situation besides talking to others how to handle an impossible communication situation (which is not always practical when you want to keep matters to yourself) is to take an instructional course on how to deal with difficult people. Difficult people abound and everyone seems to have their own mode of communicating. It is almost like people are not speaking the same language anymore. It's like labeling a rhino a warkerbarker. What's a warkerbarker? Would anyone else know?

There are classic books "How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie.

Here are some courses:

Dealing with Difficult People: How to communicate with tact and skill.

In it, the course covers: The Know-It-Alls, The Passives, The Dictators, The Gripers, The "Yes" People, The "No" People.

Another course is the Universal Class ™, Online Class: Dealing With Difficult People.

This is an impressive book which had a preview sneak peak on the Internet: 201 ways to deal with difficult people.

Sources:

Dealing with Difficult People: How to communicate with tact and skill.

Universal Class ™, Online Class: Dealing With Difficult People

20 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People, Kathryn Vercillo.