Blazers' Oden Apologizes for Nude Photos

Gradually, with each forthcoming news feature depicting a bizarre, inhumane, or blatantly unintelligent action by the modern athlete, sports junkies develop a sense of censorship immunity. Injured Portland Blazers center and former first overall selection in 2007, Greg Oden, should plead "no contest" on all three accounts. In a recent statement Oden expresses remorse for recent nude photos surfacing on the internet, "I would like to apologize to everybody: Portland, the fans, the organization.... It was very embarrassing." The photos were allegedly distributed Oden's former girlfriend and serve as the latest source in a series of unanticipated distractions and disappointment since Oden's professional career commenced.

The Blazers drafted the promising 7-foot center, 245 pound Ohio State University center with the first selection of the 2007 NBA draft. Unfortunately, Oden's NBA career thereafter is littered with physical and performance-related "growing pains." Similar to Clippers' 2009 top selection Blake Griffin, Oden missed the entire rookie season recovering from knee surgery. Oden rebounded in 2008 to play in 61 games for the up-and-coming Blazers, contributing season averages of 8.9 points and 7.0 rebounds. Oden's production increased slightly across the board this season in 21 games of action, suffering another horrific, season-ending kneecap fracture at Houston. (Warning, not for the faint for heat) Oden's professional future remains mired in uncertainty. Tragically, Oden's defensive prowess and continued offensive development may fail to come to fruition for the Blazers' organization.

Greg Oden's latest "Pants on the Ground" faux pas is not for the faint of heart either. The pictures can still be found on the internet, but no link will be provided to support such egregious or distasteful action. Classic Greg Oden, promoting himself in a memorable ESPN ad as "a sophisticated, dynamic chameleon," is undoubtedly preferred to Oden's latest renaissance as amateur voyeur. Oden's physical attributes as a 7-foot, 245 pound center cannot be emphasized enough.

Non-attractive celebrities must learn from Oden's indecent exposure and Tiger Woods' scintillating series of text messages, in order to exercise greater cell phone discretion, rather than expression. Instituting a thorough relationship screening process, complete with criminal background check, letters of recommendation, a comprehensive drug test, and minimum age, education, and IQ requirements would undoubtedly prove advantageous to avoid stalkers who put Swimfan to shame and minimize the risk of Oden-esque scenarios. Or in the case of Woods, simply committing to a wife, family, and professional career would probably be the wisest choice.