Blended Families: Tips to Ease the Tension During Christmas

Christmas can be a stressful time for some people or families. We are rushing to find just the right present for our families and friends. We fight the Christmas crowds, try to get all the shopping completed, wrapped, and sometimes mailed. There are preparations for Christmas parties and of course a Christmas dinner. The ever growing to-do list can take its toll on anyone especially when still trying to juggle all the other normal day to day activities. Then there are also others who have blended families they are trying to incorporate into their holiday tradition.

Becoming part of a blended family can be tough at any time and it can be tougher during the Christmas season. It can become a very daunting task if you are a parent or step parent trying to incorporate children from previous relationships. It is important to realize that the children may still be going through an adjustment period that some say could last a few years following the parents deciding to end the relationship.

Here are some tips that I have found helpful through the last few years of Christmas in incorporating my blended family.

Step one:

If you haven't already now would be the time to become organized in your holiday planning. Begin your Christmas preparations well in advance. All parents try to come to an agreement that is suitable for everyone. Once it has been determined what will take place then you can relay it to the children. I have found that setting the expectations with the children early on give them time to prepare as well.

Step two:

Allow all children to participate in preparing for the Christmas season. Ask their opinions if they are old enough and get them to become an active participate in some of the decision making.

Step three:

Try to come up with new and different ideas for fun Christmas traditions your new blended family can begin. You want to make it fun for everyone and something they will learn to look forward to year after year. It could be something like a secret Santa between the kids or holiday baking. There is a multitude of things that you can do for Christmas traditions.

Step four:

If you are the step parent take your step children out Christmas shopping with you. Make a day out of it. Look together for Christmas gifts for other parent and siblings if you have children of your own. They will appreciate being included and it will demonstrate to them that you value their opinion.

Step five:

Remember no matter how hard you try at first it may not go as well as you had hoped. Some children may take more time than others to accept the new family they are suddenly and sometimes unwillingly a part of. Be consistent and show you care.

Make it a point to reach out to your step children. If they push you back give them space but continue to reach out. Try to put yourself in their situation. Think about the challenges they face. Take into consideration that they probably don't like having two separate homes. They probably miss seeing each parent every day and sharing their daily news with both parents at the same time. Their living conditions will never be quite "normal" again but as a step parent you can make all the difference in the world.

Being a step parent myself I find myself trying new things, looking for new books to read, and on a constant journey to help my step children feel welcome in their father's new home with myself and our two younger children. I too was a child from a divorced family and there was resistance in the beginning. I now have nothing but admiration for my step father for all he did for my sister and I. I assume because my step father was so wonderful that I can only hope to come even close to making my step children feel the way he made us feel.

Most importantly realize it may take a few years to get the Holiday tradition with your new blended family to a point where everyone is happy. Your actions will eventually allow them to enjoy the Holidays with both families.