BLOG-O-RAMA '" Take One

This is a test. This is only a test. To pass the test you must read the following blog posts where I introduce to you the blog side of me. These three random blog posts were written between the time I first started blogging in August of 2008 and now. They reside in the My Heart Blogs To You location on Blogger (clicking the link will take you to more blogs). I hope you enjoy them, because I plan on posting more of them at a later date.

Nobody Warned My Grandson About My Mother
written Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My mother called my daughter today at 3:00 in the afternoon. My grandson, Jeremy, picked up the phone.

"Let me talk to your mother."

"She's sleeping."

Mom was aghast. "She's sleeping???? At 3:00 in the afternoon??? Wake her up!" You see, in Mom's world, NOBODY should be sleeping when she isn't.

Look at her. Yes, that is my mother. When I stand next to her, with my white hair, I look like HER mother. But I digress. Back to the story:

Mom heard Jeremy's footsteps heading toward the bedroom. And she heard him ask his mother to wake up. She also heard his footsteps return to the phone.

"She's still sleeping." This made no sense to my mother, who became even more infuriated.

"WELL, WAKE HER UP! I WANT TO TALK TO HER!"

After several seconds, Jeremy said, "OK, she's up, but now she's washing the dishes."

My mother is not quite 5'2" tall. But she thinks she's a giant. When I place quotes around what appears to be a booming voice, I must confess, she actually squeaks, so it sounds more like (use tiny tiny font size), "tell her to come to the phone now!!" rather than, "TELL HER TO COME TO THE PHONE NOW!!"

But Jeremy obeys her anyway. After all, he is her great grandson. Several seconds passed before Jeremy responded, "OK."

Several more seconds passed before Jeremy told my mother that my daughter couldn't come to the phone.

Mom was livid. "YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER I AM VERY VERY ANGRY AT HER." Remember, it sounds more like (use tiny tiny font size), "you tell your mother I am very very angry at her."

Jeremy said, "OK" and hung up.

Two hours later, my daughter called my mother to find out why she was very very very very very very angry with her - that was what Jeremy's note said.

And this is what my mother found out. Jeremy was told not to tell ANYBODY he was home alone. So Jeremy felt safe telling people his mother was asleep. He never expected anybody to torment him about it. Normally, one would expect that telling the caller his mother was asleep would be reason enough to say, "OK, I'll call back later."

However, we are talking about my mother here.

She Wanted to Call 911 But She Didn't Know The Number
written Tuesday, July 28, 2009

People keep telling me not to blog about them, but they keep giving me great material, so how can I not? Well, here I go again, disguising somebody else (or is it the same somebody - you'll never know).

Beebeeshababa was alone in her apartment when she heard a noise outside. When she ran to the window, she saw a couple of strange men trying to break into her SUV. She panicked. She had already had her CD player stolen and she wasn't about to lose something else.

So Beebeeshababa grabbed her phone to call the police. Again and again, she tried and she tried to call the police. Again and again she failed and she failed to reach them.

In desperation she called her best friend Shalalala and cried, "I keep calling 911 but it doesn't work for me. Can you call it?"

Shalalala was mystified. "How could it not work for you?"

And Beebeeshababa, who couldn't believe her best friend was wasting precious time, while her SUV was getting ransacked, cried some more, "I don't know, but it doesn't? Can you do it for me, please?"

But Shalalala wouldn't let it go. "It's impossible for 911 not to work, Beebeeshababa. What exactly are you dialing?"

"1-815-911."

This Happened to Somebody I Don't Know
written Monday, May 25, 2009

I have been banned from blogging by people I love:

"DON'T blog about that!"
"DO NOT put that in your blog."
"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't write about that."

So the following is a true event using a fictional character that nobody will recognize:

Guzaza (not her real name - I'm not allowed to use her real name for reasons that will soon become apparent) hadn't eaten all day, so I fed her some hot wings and bade her farewell into the night.

As I stood in my doorway with my back door still open, Guzaza stood on the steps and, from the depths of her stomach, let out a belch that could have come from a 600 pound man who had just consumed an entire pot of chili. I had never, in my life, heard one that was so loud and took so long to come out of a little 110 pound body.

Apparently neither had the porch full of neighbors across the street who were now all completely focused on her, their mouths stuck in the open and awed position.

Unfortunately I had already shut and locked my door when she noticed them staring at her. So she pulled and tugged at my door and begged me to let her back in.

"Not until I can blog about this," I yelled through the door.

I'm kidding (about what I said, not about what happened). That's all. You will never guess who she is, because I have completely disguised her by calling her Guzaza.

For more about the adventures of Beebeeshababa, and Guzaza (or maybe just family and friends, stay tuned for BLOG-O-RAMA - Take Two).