Body Language: Sexual Signals

By understanding body language we can enhance the sexual signals we send out, indicating when we are attracted to someone without uttering a word.

Body language is a fascinating subject and, once we know how to read it and use it, a very useful one. Many of us instinctively understand other people's body language, for example, it's easy to tell distinguish lovers from friends by how close they stand to each other. When it comes to attracting a lover, we often get a hunch that someone finds us attractive, but as we can't put our finger on why, we don't trust our instincts. Or, we can't understand why the object of our desires doesn't pick up on the way we feel about them. This is where enhancing our understanding of sexual signals can be put to good use.

According to experts, it can take between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide whether we find someone attractive and body language counts for 55 per cent of this decision-making process, learning to send out positive signals can be a useful skill.

Tradition has it that it is the man who does the 'running' and displays the most obvious sexual body language during the flirting process. This can also be seen in the animal kingdom, where the males often take the lead in the mating game. Throughout history, women were supposed to be chaste and unobtainable.

Accounts of courtly love in medieval times reveal women to be out of reach, remote objects over whom men fight, and at whose feet they fall. Even 50 years ago, women were meant to be submissive creatures that waited for men to make the first move.

Hence, openly sexual suggestive and inviting body language has only been used equally by both sexes in recent years, perhaps only since the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

There are many ways to show we are attracted to someone. Watch your body language next time you are with a prospective partner and you'll be surprised at the signals you give out.

• Eye Contact - We use this to connect with people and show that we're interested in what they are saying. A lingering glance shows that we'd like to get to know this person better.
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• Dilated Pupils - An involuntary response, caused by a surge of adrenaline brought on by arousal. It's a sign we all recognize, if only subconsciously.
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• Touch - Reaching over to touch a person, lightly on the arm, for example, can work wonders in bonding with someone and breaking down physical barriers.
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• Mirroring Movements - Often we copy people's movements a few moments after they have made them without realizing. It's a way of saying, 'I'm on you wavelength, and feel and react the same way that you do'.
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• Leaning Forward - The way two people sit or stand together speaks volumes. When we are interested in someone, we naturally turn our bodies towards them, so we become 'in tune' with them.
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• Preening - Gestures such as running hands through hair and stroking the neck draw attention to attractive features.
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• Revealing Gestures - A woman tipping her head to one side, for example, indicates that this is where she'd like to be kissed.
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• Raising Eyebrows - This instinctive facial reflex, lasting only a moment, gives a visual sign that we find someone attractive.

Often when we are not interested in someone, we make it obvious without even intending to. Sometimes, however, shyness and awkwardness can make your body language 'closed' and you send out negative signals.

• Folding arms - this is an instinctive way of protecting your body from an unwelcome presence.
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• Fiddling - with clothes or cutlery shows that you mind is only half on the conversation, and that you're looking for diversion. Liars often fiddle, as do nervous people.
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• A fake smile - during a genuine, happy smile, the eyes crease and lift up at the corners, and they 'glow'.
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• Propping up the head - this is as good as a yawn. Again, this is often a protective gesture.

When judging someone else's body language, don't take one aspect too literally. If someone looks at the floor, they might just be shy. Experts believe we should take a group of signals into account before we make any judgments.

If you want to let someone know you're attracted to them, look them in the eye. If you find this difficult, it's easier to look people between the eyes, on the bridge of the nose. Lean towards them, occasionally touch them and mirror their movements. If the feedback you get it positive, intensify the signals. Remember, too much sexual body language can be intimidating. For example, overdoing eye contact is too intense. Slowly moving your eyes over different parts of their face can be more seductive.