Bodyslams & Chair Shots: WWE's Strange Safety Measures

Every wrestling fan has an opinion on who the most entertaining and toughest competitor in the business is. Said opinions tend to change depending on who is getting a major push at the time. What never changes is the significance of a convincing move set.

I could go on a rant about yawn inducing punch fests that are seen in most WWE matches at the start. Seeing as announcers fail to explain how an open handed punch can knock a grown man down, I won't bother trying to make sense of it.

When thinking about things like that, a voice in my head mutters "it's choreographed, you loon!" I am well aware of the legitimacy(lack there of) of professional wrestling. It's basically theater for fans of monster truck rallies and Larry the Cable Guy.

While I absolutely despise the latter, the former is something I was really into as a child. The sight of those gas guzzlers on over sized tires, driving over jalopies left me entranced. Not unlike the sight of scantily clad women, with heaving chests and shapely rear ends, clawing at each other in a ring on national television.

Unlike monster trucking, Pro Wrestling has managed to keep me interested as I got older. While the female "wrestlers" are still on hand, I notice a severe lack of individuality in the WWE's overall product. Everyone does pretty much the same thing most of the time. Watching wrestling today is like eating a mayonnaise sandwich. Something is missing...

I question certain safety measures taken by the company. Instead of alloying competitors to display their athletic prowess and creativity in the ring, some wrestlers are being restricted from doing specific moves that got them in their current position in the business.

Avalanche maneuvers.
Normal finishers are great(most of the time...) Nothing is better than seeing one of your favorite Pro wrestlers execute a supped up version of their finisher.Avalanche moves are special techniques that are done from the top rope.

Odds are slim that you will get to see C.M. Punk do his Pepsi Plunge(top rope Pedigree), Or d'Lo do the Avalanche Skyhigh in the WWE. Both are very high impact moves, and one has a name that would cause legal troubles.

Lion Tamer
Anyone who watched WCW or played wrestling games on the Nintendo 64 should be aware of how great this submission was. Chris Jericho would put his opponent in an elevated Boston Crab, then proceed to drop to one knee and apply pressure with the other knee to the guys back.

The success of this maneuver depends on the victims flexibility. There was a time when Jericho abandoned the elevated variation of the Boston Crab for the normal version when competing against the likes of Paul White(Big Show). There has been a few times where he executes the Lion Tamer on smaller/more flexible opponents, but it's a rarity.

Burning Hammer
Perhaps one of the most dangerous wrestling moves ever. Burning Hammer is a Torture Rack into Inverted Death Vally Driver. This move is rarely used. Japanese wrestler, Kenta Kobashi, is one of the hand full of wrestlers known to have used it from time to time.

The danger involved in doing the Burning Hammer comes from the fact that the victim has no way of softening the blow. Impact is delivered to his head. The opponent cannot use his body to absorb damage. If a picture were to be used for the definition of a "finishing move, an animated gif of the Burning Hammer would be a great representative.

With that said, maybe the Burning Hammer is a bit much. There are other impact moves that are considered as being very risky, such as the Vertebreaker(Gory Special Piledriver). It'd be great to see someone do this Brian Kendrick or John Cena, but the WWE's head honchos would go completely apeshit over the likelihood of something going wrong.

it's funny to me though. WWE employs the likes of Dave Batista. A man who has gotten injured while jogging with his wife in 2003. Maybe if Vince McMahon stopped hiring clumsy buffoons, passing them off as main event talent because they are muscular, they wouldn't feel the need to limit the capable members of their roster.

The guys who CAN walk and chew gum at the same time need to be let off their leash. I don't see how competing in Hell in the Cell, Elimination Chamber or Tables, ladders and chairs matches are safer than doing 720's, Tombstone Piledrivers, etc.

Can anyone explain why The Undertaker throwing Edge "down to hell" (off a ladder, threw the ring) is safer than any of the moves I listed? The Burning Hammer sounds and looks wicked. Contrary to what it's name implies, no actual flames are involved(unlike Edge's trip to Satanville, which caused a dramatic ring of fire to appear.)

I can understand not allowing crap like Fireballs, Florescent Lights or other Backyard Mo-Ron garbage. But, why be so protective of people who are billed as the best in the world? You have a fan base willing to pay for your overpriced Pay Per View events each month. Throw them a bone and let guys push the envelope a little.