Book Review: IT'S NOT PERSONAL by Cindy Hampel

Book Review: IT'S NOT PERSONAL by Cindy Hampel

ISBN: 978-0-9845443-0-1

Subtitled "Lessons I've Learned from Dealing with Difficult Behavior," IT'S NOT PERSONAL takes the reader on a journey through Cindy Hampel's life and outlines her strategies for dealing with the negative attitudes of those around her. Although the author is not a professional therapist, this book contains many sage gems of inspiration on how to deal with the curmudgeonly, burdensome, or terminally unhappy people in your life. Broken into very small chapters made up of small paragraphs and told in a friendly, engaging way, IT'S NOT PERSONAL is a read that can be digested a little at a time.

Ms. Hampel uses anecdotal stories of the people in her life in order to explain her approach to handling the difficult and cranky. In each chapter, she lays out the "crisis" or interpersonal irritation. Then, in a very calm and non-defensive manner, she takes a step back to analyze the situation, whether it be with co-workers, church members, or her mother, and explores the actions and tactics best used in such situations.

In each case of retractable behavior, there is an underlying reason for it. Perhaps the difficult person is a master at plying guilt. Perhaps the manipulations are a result of their feeling fearful or unhappy. Perhaps they assume you will complete tasks they do not ask for, and then you get clobbered when the task is left undone. In this case, using "I-messages" or "You-questions" may provide relief.

In many instances, the author suggests using forgiveness as a way to feeling better about yourself. As with many moms and daughters, Ms. Hampel's major difficulty was with her own mother. Through insightful scrutiny and careful reactions, she was able to traverse the mother-daughter relationship and emerge feeling good about herself.

Other lessons in this book include learning from resentment and regret and staying poised under pressure. How many of us can say we "lost it" when dealing with annoying or angry people? This book is a gentle road map for negotiating such pitfalls.

Somehow, despite the difficult persons in her life, Ms. Hampel manages to keep a positive attitude. Yes, she's not a saint; she gets irritated with stressful situations, but it's her upbeat approach to problem solving that is worth the read. IT'S NOT PERSONAL might be told from a layman's point of view, but it is this down-to-earth feeling that will touch many, and that makes it a "must-have" for anyone who reads self-help books.