Book Review: When I Get Married by Jerusha Clark

Title: When I Get Married: Surrendering the Fantasy, Embracing the Reality
Author: Jerusha Clark
Publisher: NavPress
Copyright: 2009
Pages: 249
ISBN: 978-1-60006-056-4
Genre: Non-fiction/marriage

Before we married, my husband and I attended a church where the pastor performed several weeks of premarital counseling with each couple that requested he marry them. I believe such counseling is a wise option for any couples who are considering or have decided upon marriage. However, a few weeks of counseling (even of the highest quality) aren't enough to prepare for the struggles that marriage will bring. We expect many things of our spouses, things that we don't even recognize until we experience disappointment. And there are too many possible tragedies that can assault us in life to prepare for them all ahead of time.

All things considered, my husband and I experienced a relatively easy adjustment period after we married. Even so, by the time we'd reached our second anniversary, we'd experienced a number of stressful situations that each affected our marriage in different ways. We weren't idealists by any means when it came to marriage. Even so, struggles, disappointments, and frustrations came.

Jerusha Clark hits upon these same ideas in her book When I Get Married. In her opening, she reveals, "I've structured this book to apply the Bible, God's timeless Word, as well as the wisdom He's given to those who've gone before me, to ten specific and prevalent misconceptions people often entertain about marriage" (22). Clark devotes an entire chapter to each of these ten misconceptions that young women often hold about when they get married: (1) "I'll Always Feel Loved," (2) "I'll Feel Whole, Complete, and Satisfied," (3) "I Won't Feel Lonely Anymore," (4) "Life Will Be So Much Better," (5) "I Won't Have to Worry About Money," (6) "I'll Know What to Do with the Rest of My Life," (7) "Sex Won't Be an Issue Anymore," (8) "I'll Feel Pretty (and Witty and Bright)," (9) "I'll Have a Happy Family," and (10) "It Will Be Forever."

In each chapter of When I Get Married, Clark introduces the expectation. Then she includes a first-person story from a friend (or in one chapter, herself) who struggled with that very misconception. For instance, in the chapter titled "I Won't Feel Lonely Anymore," Cameron Germann relates how after two years of dating her future husband, they had only lived in the same city for one and a half months. When they got married, she felt they could finally "make up for lost time." Unfortunately, she worked and finished college while her husband worked a swing-shift weekend schedule with the Navy. She openly shares her sense of disappointment: "I knew marriage would be hard-my parents had drilled that into my head!-but I don't recall hearing that it would often be lonely. That hurt" (64-65).

Clark then finishes each chapter by discussing biblical counsel that applies to the idea, as well as lessons the women themselves learned from their struggles. Clark never bashes marriage or attempts to convince her readers that they shouldn't get married. She does, however, firmly debunk the marriage myths and encourage her readers to take up a more realistic view of marriage. Clark speaks effectively to both single and married women. She closes each chapter with questions for group discussion or private journaling to further explore the chapter's topic.

When my husband and I were undergoing premarital counseling, I also had the blessing of access to supplementary materials. My mother, also an avid reader, had passed along several books and CDs to me. I picked up some excellent and helpful perspectives on marriage from these resources. When I Get Married, of course, wasn't available at that time. Had it been, I think it would have been one of the best resources I could have read. But then, maybe it wouldn't have made as much sense as it does, now that I have experienced marriage. In any case, I would enthusiastically pass this book along to any female friends of mine who were getting married. And wise pastor or counselors should add When I Get Married to the top of their lists of helpful marriage resources.