Book Review: The Sexual Man by Dr. Archibald Hart

The Sexual Man, by Dr. Archibald Hart, is an attempt to discover sexual norms and struggles for the average Christian male and help him create a healthy sexual self-concept and boundaries. Hart compares research done in the past (Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, Janus, etc.) with his own studies of men (over twenty-five years of psychotherapist interviews, personal sexual papers of hundreds of clergy students, and questionnaires). The information from this research is intended to help heterosexual men understand their sexual experiences better, especially from a religious perspective.

Hart examines how society is not a naturally conducive atmosphere to the development of a healthy sexuality. If a boy is not provided with adequate information or given a healthy explanation of the circumstances surrounding his sexuality, it is likely that this will do damage to his perspective on sex later in life. This means that if the male does not understand his own sexuality, it is likely that he will subscribe to the messages that media, the church, or even his wife is telling him (That he is dirty and sinful for having sexual feelings). Unless the male seeks understanding from some sort of non-condemning, healthy literature or from a counselor, he will find himself dealing with the possible guilt and misunderstandings that occur from the lack of knowledge about his sexuality. Some of these misunderstandings include: Guilt from critical wives who do not understand male sexuality (leaving the male very sexually self-conscious), hang-ups about relationships with daughters or granddaughters (afraid of sexual abuse claims/issues), difficulty complimenting women without sounding or feeling perverse in some way (especially sexual harassment issues in the workplace), guilt from sexual attractions to other women (even in marriage) and false beliefs that those raging hormones (how men were made) alone are sinful feelings to have, a worry that there is a lack of spirituality or faith since religion will not remove sexual feelings, and more.

The author discusses how talking about sexuality increases an understanding of it. However, the subject is often taboo in Christian circles and churches. Rather, when it comes to sexuality, people associate the church with condemnation on issues such as adultery, pornography, how women dress, and other outward issues. This does not help young boys deal with the worries they have cycling through their minds: "Am I a wuss because I'm a virgin? Is my penis too small? Is it wrong for me to fantasize sexually? Am I sinning if I get an erection by accident?" These are just a few of the inner struggles that boys face (often alone) as they get older. These struggles, coupled with earlier puberty ages and later marriages, are increasing the pressure on boys. With so much sexual misunderstanding, unhealthy obsessions can develop that put boys through cycles of shame and guilt issues. Hart explains that these secret questions and thoughts can lead to secret porn watching, masturbatory abuse, habits of fantasizing that can last a lifetime, unhealthy fetishes, or even fantasies that can distort reality (One example in the book described a young boy who became so involved fantasizing about a girl that he approached her and physically attempted to put her into his truck. The poor guy could not differentiate between his fantasy and an appropriate reality).

With so many issues surrounding the inner struggles of sexuality, Dr. Hart wanted to approach sexual issues from the perspective of these inner struggles. A great deal of sexual research had been done in the past (Kinsey, Masters and Johnson), but these studies approached sex on a more physiological level. The Janus Report came closer to the type of personal issues that Hart was looking for in dealing with sex and religion, but unfortunately the report was poorly designed to get accurate data about those who are "religious." According to Hart, Janus found that religious people are hypocrites, have sexual hang-ups, practice more unconventional sex, are more likely to want to have illicit sex, and are more likely to have early teenage sex. Hart found the interpretations of the Janus Report data to be distorted. Hart found in his own deeper, more personal research of Christian males that they were less likely to start masturbating earlier (than non-religious boys), be exposed to porn at about the same age, and were more likely to say that their current sexual experience was excellent in their marriages.

Dr. Hart discusses a few guidelines and solutions in fostering a healthier sexuality. Hart suggests that parents should talk about sex early, but not to an extreme extent. Actual body parts should be named instead of nicknames. This will supposedly keep sex from seeming like it needs to be a "secretive" or shameful thing. Do not get angry about naturally curious children asking about sex. Rather, answer the questions maturely or suggest there may be a more appropriate time. Never shame a child for masturbating, but help him understand that it is an important decision to make when he is old enough to discuss this. Hart wants Christian men to understand that their sexuality is not something to be ashamed of or a sinful weakness, but that it is a great gift from God that is to be celebrated!

Dr. Hart also emphasized the importance of communication between a man and wife in a marriage relationship. A great deal of the intimacy in the relationship hinges on the ability to communicate freely about sexual issues. Unfortunately, if a man does not have a healthy sexuality, he will be unable to effectively communicate his feelings with his wife. This could lead to problems pent up sexual aggression or unsatisfied sexual tension that could be directly detrimental to the relationship (tension and anger between the spouses) or indirectly damaging (finding sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage relationship). It is important for the male to sexually understand himself in order to effectively communicate and be in tune with his wife.

The most sensitive subject Dr. Hart tackled was masturbation. Young boys learn to efficiently masturbate to get the job done quickly and get out of the bathroom fast in order to avoid suspicion or shame. This secret act can become very obsessive and is often setting a habitual pattern for later times when the hurrying is unnecessary. It can lead to premature ejaculation later in life and can lead to sexual intimacy problems in marriage. If the topic is discussed in a mature way when the boy is old enough to understand it, this sort of obsession could be avoided. In addition to masturbation is the general curiosity that a male develops for his own genitalia at a very young age. Criticism and scolding can have a negative effect on the boy's sexual perception his body. Yet, it is appropriate for the boy to know (when he is old enough to understand) that it will be wrong to be touching himself in inappropriate settings.

Out of the 208 pages in The Sexual Man, I thoroughly enjoyed all of them. Although the book is over a decade old, many of the same issues are still prevalent today. I wish I had read this book when I was a teenager. It would have really given me a good perspective on my own sexuality. I agree with Dr. Hart that talking about sex increases understanding of it. Unfortunately, the topic is still unaddressed and young boys look to their peers and the media to find the supposed norms and boundaries. My concern for Christian boys is the heavy emotional and spiritual damage that can be inflicted through a misunderstanding of how to deal with sexual feelings in a healthy way. It can be so confusing and disheartening in a Christian faith when you feel like you are failing yourself and God over and over again in issues such as lust and masturbation. Even though I am all for more talk and understanding about sex, I am almost afraid of too much discussion. It almost seems as though some people refuse to talk about it because they do not want the topic to be so commonplace that it loses some of its sacred value. It is true that a man and wife should only share their intimate moments and times with just each other (unless looking for help from a counselor or therapist). However, if approached from a respectful and positive view, I do not think that increased appropriate discussion of sexual issues would be anything but beneficial (especially among young men who may be driven away from his faith because of the inconsistencies in his morals and his misunderstandings of his sexuality).

Qualifications of the Author
Dr. Archibald Hart is the dean of the Graduate School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. He has written many books on topics relating to stress and anxiety, sex, adrenaline, and other family issues. Hart is a highly respected psychologist who has traveled and spoken all over the world.

Hart, A.D. (1994). The Sexual Man: Masculinity without Guilt. US: W Publishing Group.