Book Review: Take Back Your Kids - Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times

Doherty writes "We may be the most child-sensitive generation of parents the world has ever known - and the most confused and insecure."

Parents are rightfully rejecting the overly authoritarian model of parenting from past generations, but have gone to the other extreme and become timid about exercising any authority at all. Doherty gives several real life examples examples, which seem at the same time both familiar and extreme.

Doherty draws the unique conclusion that we are influenced by our consumer culture to such an extent that we approach relationships with this same attitude. Thus, children have become consumers of parental services, while parents have become providers of parental services and brokers of community services for children. There is certainly an element of truth to this model, but it has gone too far when this is the entirety of the relationship.

Rather than parents being peers, therapists, or service providers, Doherty urges parents to be confident parents. Doherty describes the skills necessary to be a confident parent -- firm boundaries on behavior, an understanding of when to be flexible, and the courage to express constructive anger and endure the consequences. He assures us that our family will benefit, our children will benefit, and our community will benefit from better citizens. In the marketplace analogy, the service provider must do whatever is necessary to please the consumer and keep him happy. In a balanced world, children are expected not only to receive from adults, but also to actively contribute to the world around them. Two key expectations we should have of our children are the expectation of respect, and of participation in the family life.

While many parenting books are full of good-sounding rhetoric but little practical advice, Doherty devotes more than half the book to practical advice. He discusses first confident parenting in two-parent families (including those with a reluctant co-parent). Then he discusses Confident Fathering, and Confident Single Parenting. Finally, he addresses one of the most difficult situations of all - Confident Step-Parenting. In chapters that apply to everyone, he addresses the impact of media on children and family, and the peer cultures of children and other children's parents. Thankfully, he does not simply exhort a return to "family values", or even use that phrase, but provides realistic examples and ideas for exactly how to accomplish a shift in your family dynamic.

Doherty has also applied his theory of consumer culture in relationship to the marriage relationship, in another book, the similarly named "Take Back Your Marriage". Both these books are available from amazon.com, as well as other online and retail book stores.