Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) seems like a curse for the sufferers of this illness. Society expects them to be accountable for their actions yet they are immersed in confusion on how to even cope with BPD on a daily basis. The people they trusted abandoned them physically and emotionally.

Borderlines are left to navigate the mental health care system to find a solution to their problems. It is like a preschooler being forced to understand and take responsibility for an illness. Chances are the search won't lead to a solution but to the drowning of their will to live. In the process, Borderlines turn to be emotional monsters in our midst, spitting their frustrations across the field. The pain of emotional isolation is scary. It was always this way for them as a child. They lack the impulse control that resulted to poor choices. Thus, Borderlines are severely misunderstood. They live in a world of pain and confusion as they watch their loved one walk away from them one by one.

There is a simple algorithm for healing that has helped many emotional-based disorders. The common sense approach goes back to the very foundations of human existence. Emotional healing cannot be done in isolation. Borderlines need lasting caring connections. Borderlines need to be surrounded by strong social networks that can positively support them.

Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder requires rebuilding trust. Borderlines must trust the people who are helping them. Their sense of security must return so that they can feel safe in their world. The only people who can help them attain these outcomes are those who love them enough to commit to their healing. Their loved ones must be tolerant of their vulnerabilities. They must have the willingness to take high risks. Borderline must be taught to feel powerful in a positive way instead of their common destructive inclinations.

Extreme caution must be taken by non-Borderlines in helping their loved ones suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. The commitment required to help them may be very draining for any emotionally healthy person. Countless relatives have given so much of themselves to healing but have failed. In the process, they have become very bitter of their Borderline loved ones. Do not attempt to help your Borderline loved one out of mere love. For the main secret ingredient in their healing is commitment.

The 5 Common Sense Approach to Helping Your Borderline Loved One Heal

1. You must be calm first before you can pacify a Borderline. Thus, you must not be overwhelmed, stressed out and in a state of alarm when dealing with them. You can only pay attention and listen effectively if you are in control of your feelings. If Borderlines are raging, redirect behavior or find your own safe place until they calm down.

2. Therapy is an important component of healing though it should not be relied upon as the major crutch. Healing comes not solely in therapy but in relationships. They need constant exposure to practice on working out relationships. As human beings, they need to socialize to get that exposure instead of isolation. Create a caring support system for them.

3. Interact with them according to their "emotional" age. Provide them with comfort and love based on their developmental age when nurturing ceased in their lives. Identify the age where they were emotionally abandoned, a stage where their brain was unable to develop neural connections for security. On that emotional age, demonstrate affection, approval and attention (three A's). Develop a template for memories on the three A's.
Make it concrete so they can recall it when they are emotionally distraught. It helps Borderlines in their stress response.

4. Let them be aware of their vulnerabilities and give them the boundaries to successful living. Impaired impulse control is not a free pass for complete lack of free will. Strive for a respectful home environment. Do not allow verbal abuse. Do not assume they understand what respect involves. Clarify non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, hand gestures, and perceived mood.

5. Introduce them to the Divine Healer. Let them know that your presence and commitment in their lives are analogous to the same commitment that God has on their healing.

CONCLUSION

Borderlines can be helped by those who made a commitment to help them: their parents, children, marriage partners. However, they cannot be helped by people who simply profess to love them. The commitment factor is critical. It can easily be understood in the context of God's relationship to man. God never quits. God made a commitment to us, even if we have failed. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, the ultimate caregiver of the emotionally abandoned said "God does not expect me to be successful but to be faithful."