Born Amish Then Shunned: How I Reunited with My Amish Family

One of five children, I was born in 1979 to an Amish Family. My parents decided to leave the Old Order Community in Central Pennsylvania to make a new life. Upon leaving they took their children with them. When my parents left they were "shunned." Shunning practices vary within each Amish Community. Generally, Old Order Communities tend to shun severely (you don't exist to them), while more modern communities tend to do so with less harshness.

Not long after my parents left the Amish, they also got divorced. At this point, my siblings and I were alone, with only our mother to guide and protect us. An Old Order Amish woman for 30 years, would now be raising five children in an "English" world, with no familial supports. She would raise us alone. For various reasons, we had no extended family and no father.

What can one person do to change a situation like this? All my life, I have wanted aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. How could it be that I would have none, while the other kids at my "English" school had so many? I was five years old when I lost my family.

I could do nothing to change the events of the past. As a child, I had no control over my family situation. Now that I am an adult, however, I do "call the shots!"

While I was in college, I worked at the local convenience store in my hometown. Fate would bring my uncle Josie to my workplace. He and his family joined a more modern church and he was allowed to drive truck for a living. He and I met through coincidence, but he took the time to tell me how proud of me he really was. I was the first person in the family to go to college, not to mention graduate from High School. Uncle Josie returned to the store with two of his daughters, so I could meet my cousins. What a dream come true for me!

Of course, the summer ended and I returned to college. I never saw my uncle again. Ten years went by so quickly. Last fall my uncle passed away. I was so sad because he was the first connection I made with my family, after having lost them. I found the obituary and despite fears of rejection, attended his viewing.

At the church, after I said "good-bye" to my uncle, I was greeted with truly humble warmth and kindness. I did not expect this because only a few years earlier at my grandmother's funeral, my siblings and I where obviously discriminated against. We had to eat in the dark basement, while two hundred people ate their food upstairs. No, this was different.

People asked me who I was. Some people remembered me as a child, and said "Oh, little Lizzie...," with tears in their eyes. I was overwhelmed with joy! We exchanged names, addresses, phone numbers and amazingly, one email address.

That was the beginning of my life, with a supportive family, once again. After having lost the love and support of my family 22 years earlier, I was reunited with them. No, not all of them. One side of the family did not reach out to me, but then one side did!

Now, with regular visits to my family, I am feeling whole again. Family is the foundation from which we all grow. I don't think it's ever "too late."

If you want to reunite with your family, then take the first step. It's a risk, if only for the chance of rejection. However, if you have an opportunity to get back to your roots, then take it. It might not be a funeral, it might be a family reunion, or finding out where your family lives. Even a single connection can turn into something wonderful. Good luck!