Boy Loves Peanut Butter Sandwich so Much He Marries It

In an impromptu ceremony on Thursday, third-grader Tommy Johnson married a peanut butter sandwich after a brief, two-hour courtship.

"That boy was holding that sandwich all through the lunch hour and through all of recess," commented Johnson's home room teacher, Cherie Landers, "I thought he was never going to put it down."

"I told Tommy if you love your sandwich so much, why don't you marry it?" said classmate Tony Jones. No one laughed at Tony's joke, since this joke was already outdated in 1992, but after some serious thought, Johnson decided to take the plunge and marry the sandwich.

"I really love peanut butter! I love it! Mommy says I can't have it, so that makes me love it more!" said Johnson.

Johnson and the sandwich were married in a brief ceremony under the swingset on the Lawrence Elementary school playground. Johnson was dressed in his new pair of Nike tennis shoes, some jeans, and a Spider Man t-shirt. The sandwich was naked.

Forbidden by Johnson's mother, Johnson received the peanut butter sandwich after bartering his less desirable ham and cheese sandwich at lunch.

"I don't let Tommy eat peanut butter because if I did that would be all he ever ate," explained his mother Tina, "and maybe also because I never wanted to hear that my son married a sandwich."

Although Johnson and the sandwich appeared exuberant about the marriage, the union was short-lived. The marriage ended 20 minutes later after a brief struggle between Johnson and his third grade teacher.

"I told Tommy that food is not allowed in my classroom," explained Cherie Landers, "and that if Tommy wanted to keep his sandwich, he would have to leave it in his lunch bag for later."

Unfortunately, temptation got the best of Johnson, and he chose to stuff the sandwich into his mouth rather than stow the sandwich in his lunch bag until after school."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," commented Johnson's mother, "although I hope the next time Tommy gets married, he doesn't eat his wife. We frown on that in this family."