Boys and Girls Are NOT the Same: But Which is Better?

I realize that I may be in the minority here, but I believe that the whole notion that there is no difference between boys and girls actually does a disservice to both sexes. The theory that children are born as blank slates, that there are no differences between boys and girls except those that are imposed upon them, has been disproved time and time again.

The fact is that girls and boys are born with differences that go beyond the physical. Ask any parent that has raised one or more of each, and they will tell you that boys are far different creatures than girls. Even in the early months, parents will notice that boys tend to be more active, while girls tend to be more verbal. Research shows that males and females are born with different brains, and even extreme trauma or changes in chemistry will not change that fact.

Having said that, I will admit that there is a reason I am so keenly interested in this topic. As a mother of two daughters who is considering having a third child, I am TERRIFIED that I will have a boy.

I know that this is terrible, and maybe even slightly illogical. Still, the arguments spin through my mind. I know how to raise girls. I have two pretty great daughters, so my husband and I must be doing something right. I don't know what to do with a boy. I don't know how to change his diapers or channel his excess energy. Then there's the fact that I've never been a boy. I know, basically, what young girls go through. I understand their moods and whims, and I understand the changes that will come with adolescence. With boys, I am clueless.

There are still some who think that there is no difference. My dad, for example, says that this whole argument is crap. Just the other day he told me that there is no difference in raising boys or girls, that a child is a child, and that they're all basically the same. (Keep in mind that he has three daughters, and no boy raising references to speak of.)

My close friend Paula disagrees emphatically. She has worked at a daycare for many years, and she greatly prefers the exuberance of boys. She tells me that they are more energetic and less clingy. Girls are sneakier, she says. If boys are doing something bad, they'll just do it. Girls will hide somewhere to do it. She says that I'll be lucky to have a boy, because they are actually easier to raise.

I have my doubts. I see mothers of boys in the supermarket, boys with food all over their faces and dirt under their fingernails. While my girls are helping me choose what to buy, I hear boys yelling, fighting and climbing out of the cart. I think of getting pregnant with one of those strange creatures, and my heart leaps with fear.

I wish I could end this on a positive note. I wish I could tell you that I've had some breakthrough that has dispelled my fear of having a boy. Unfortunately, I haven't. The best I can do is this: I realize that the problem is mine, not that of all male children. In fact, the more I think about, the more that I realize that it may not be a gender problem at all. Perhaps what I am experiencing is actually a fear of the unknown. A fear of my own ineptitude and uncertainty.

I still haven't decided whether or not I want to try for a third child. What I have decided is that I will open my mind to the possibility. I'll stop saying that I'd like to have another child if only I knew that it would be another girl. I'll try to view having a boy as an adventure. Is it one that I'm ready to embark on? Well, that's something that I still haven't decided.