Brainjacked and Regressing to Adolescence: A Movie Review

Writers: Andrew Allan and Andy Lalino.

Brainjacked is a film from Breaking Glass Pictures, which specializes in homoerotic dramas and B-movie science fiction thrillers. The film being reviewed here, thankfully, has no homosexual tones and Brainjacked releases on DVD August 31st. Director Andrew Allan brings back the 10,000 year old medical practice of trepanning, which is surgery performed directly on the brain to relieve pressure or ancient spirits. In the film's case, trepanning is used by a maniacal doctor to control people in order to do his bidding. Silly, adolescent, and full of soft core porn images, Brainjacked is fighting hard for this year's top ten worst films on 28DLA.

As mentioned above a crazed doctor goes about injecting microchips in to patient's pre-frontal lobes in order to have them carry out nefarious deeds. Did this reviewer mention the doctor has a drill surgically implanted on his arm? Meanwhile, the protagonist Tristan is forced out of his home after his step-father offers him a part in the gangbang of his mother, in which he declines. This is serious; why are you laughing? Tristan bumps in to the disturbed surgeon and receives his own microchip, but fights the power of its hold for the love of a fine American lass. Finish with a Luke, Vader father and son climax and the credits finally role.

This film seems as if a group of fourteen year old boys got together and came up with a mish-mash of ideas for a film. Let us add in some silicone enhanced breasts and a surgeon with a drill for an arm. Yes! No, this is bad and the film plays out poorly, as the neon lights from the film do their best to bring back the '80s. The '80 are not coming back and this film is not going to makes its way back in to this reviewer's DVD player. Brett G. picks up on the adolescent vibe: "think back to your days of teenage angst...[when] it was you against the world" (Oh, The Horror). Viewers unfortunate enough to view this mess will also pick up on this tone, especially when they see 90% of the characters with bleeding holes in their head.

In fact, Brainjacked is already getting a nomination for worst film in 2010 and this film is right up there with Steven Hentge's Hunger. Hunger begins with thirty minutes of darkness at which point the film was quickly binned. Brainjacked is also binnable because the film's stupid, but often beautiful characters are undeveloped and the images of a half dozen prosthetic heads being drilled by one surgeon's only tool is laughable. The tragic death of Tristan's paramour in the final scenes is the candle on the cake, which already reads this film blows.

Brainjacked is not recommendable for anyone outside of the age thirteen or fourteen and if you are of this age you must be male to sit through the violent debauchery of this film. Everyone else is likely to duck out of the film much earlier than this reviewer, who saw the film all the way to the miserable end. Thanks to the production company, Film Ranch International, this former movie lover needs a trepanning, to remove the film's many pointless images.

Overall: 5 out of 10 (this film gets the three elements of filmmaking correct, which include proper lighting, no dubbing, and keeping the cameras rolling, so there is no way to give a failing grade, however -1 for low production values, -1 for silly characters, -1 for a grade 3 level script, -1 for a complete rip-off of a Star Wars plotline, -1 for the garish lighting).

In case you did not read the review and you would like to know more about the film:

Brainjacked at Breaking Glass

An overly flattering review of the film at Oh, The Horror:

Brainjacked at Oh, The Horror

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