Braves Put Down Pitcher Mark Redman, Tell Players He Went to Live on Farm

After losing his first four decisions of the 2007 season and posting an awful 10.62 ERA, the Atlanta Braves had starting pitcher Mark Redman "put down" this week.

"It was for the best," said manager Bobby Cox. "After watching him get beat around the first month of the season, this was definitely the most humane thing to do."

"He's pitching to angels in Heaven now. And he's probably getting tagged by them, too."

After blowing a 3-run lead and failing to get through the second inning in his May 1st start against the division-rival Phillies, the Atlanta Braves' coaching staff and front office held a closed-door meeting to decide the pitcher's fate. Once the decision to put him down was made, the brain trust threw a pizza party to distract the other players as they took Redman to the doctor's office.

"A few players asked us what we were talking about in our meeting, but once the pizza and clown arrived they quickly forgot all about it," said pitching coach Roger McDowell.

"As soon as the clown started making balloon animals, we could have set the stadium on fire and I doubt they'd have noticed."

Once the party was over and the horrible deed was done, the Atlanta Braves announced that Redman had been placed on the 15-day disabled list due to an ingrown nail on his left big toe. Once the ingrown nail is removed, the players were told Redman would rehab at one of the Braves' minor league farm clubs.

"The lucky dog," remarked backup first baseman Craig Wilson, who is currently sporting a .176 batting average with one homerun. "Fresh air, sunshine, long bus rides, sometimes I wish I could go play down on the farm."

However, not all players bought the explanation.

"I'm not buying the explanation," an exasperated John Smoltz told reporters after hearing the news. "Who goes on the disabled list because of an ingrown nail on your left big toe?"

"Something isn't right. Why didn't he take his glove with him? Can you answer me that? If he is going to rehab with one of the farm clubs, won't he need his glove??"

Even though the team knows lying is wrong, it is confident keeping the players in the dark on Redman's fate was the right thing to do.

"Maybe we will tell them what really happened someday," remarked general manager John Schuerholz.

"Perhaps when they're older."