Break Up to Make Up? Time to Hit the Road!

Ah, the "break up to make up" relationship. If you've ever been in one, you've had the auspicious privilege of experiencing the full range of human emotion. From the height of ecstasy to the pit of despair, or, as the announcer on the "Wide World of Sports" used to proclaim, "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat".

The passionate "break up to make up" relationship can sneak up on just about anyone, male or female, successful or aspiring, young or, shall we say, more mature. You meet and start dating someone you really like. You're getting along great, enjoying your time together, looking forward to the next time you'll see her. You may even be starting to feel like, maybe, just maybe, this is the one. Then all of a sudden, like a blow to the solar plexis, she's angry with you. Maybe she even breaks up with you. Whatever the reason, you probably didn't see it coming.

So now you're in shock, reeling, hurting, wondering what went wrong when it all seemed so right. You beg to talk it out, and you do. And, thank goodness, she agrees to give you another chance. Whew! You're elated! While the break up was painful, the make up is so sweet. You realize how special she really is and how lucky you are to be with her. Yes, you even begin to see that you're falling in love.

Of course disagreements, even break ups, can happen in any relationship. But in the "break up to make up relationship", you begin to see this pattern repeating itself over and over again. Even if you don't break up each time, the roller coaster of emotions of "she loves me, she loves me not" keep you ever off balance - and somehow, unfortunately, all the more interested.

This kind of relationship can, at first, feel like the most exciting, "passionate" relationship you've ever experienced. But this is not the passion of intense love, but rather a counterfeit passion, an emotional intensity borne of fear and manipulation. Being repeatedly tossed to the gutter over an unending stream of offenses wears cruelly on anyone's self-esteem, so the emotional high of being accepted back into your love's good graces becomes like a narcotic. Soon the pattern of having this drug withdrawn, then pumped back into your veins at the last moment again, becomes so addictive you may find yourself unable to do without it - or too "high" to realize you should.

Consider, too, that when you become addicted to someone, male or female, in the "break up to make up" relationship, you have little opportunity to discern if he or she is even right for you. So blinded by the desire to keep him interested and so thrown off balance by the perpetual roller coaster of emotion he creates as you live and breath by what he thinks of you, you never really have the chance to consider how you truly feel about him.

Herein lies the power of the "break up to make up" instigator: They are relational control freaks, keeping all eyes on you rather than ever on themselves or their flaws. But high on the passion of the "break up to make up" drug, it can become increasingly difficult to detox, until they finally, most likely, leave for the last time.

So if ever you find yourself in a "break up to make up" relationship, run, don't walk, and get yourself out of there before you become addicted to the highs and lows of this manufactured but false passion. The severity of the addiction will only worsen - and the pay off will seldom be anything more than a broken heart and a totally scrambled sense of self worth.