BREAKFAST with JESUS

Day 1

I woke up this morning around 2 am. Couldn't sleep. The quietness of the room drove me crazy. "What has become of my life?", I thought. I wish I could go back and fix everything. "Hello! God! Are you there?" Silence. "Hmm...that's what I thought. " " I know I am saved, but nothing else more than that. You show up to others. Angels even visit them. What about me? What will it take for you to answer me? What will it take for great things to happen in my life, too? " Nothing. Still silence. The bitterness and anger filled my soul. "Ok. I do not want to sin. I know I am wrong in thinking this way, but...God! I am so angry! I can't help it but think that you are ignoring me! Why? Why? What is so special about others? I am tired. I do not even know who I am anymore. I do not even know what I want in life anymore. I used to want to be a doctor. Then a ballerina. Then an astronaut. Then something else. Why am I so restless and cannot find my place in this world? Plus the things that happened in my life left me numb...You love me? Hmm...I do not know what love is? It doesn't phase me when someone tells me that. Yes, I had men tell me that...but then they gave up on me. Even my dad said that, but then he beat us up till we bled. Love? What is love?....." Silence.

I layed my head down on my pillow and cried myself to sleep." No one cares. If I died today, no one would know for days..."

Brrr....brr...the phone rang. I woke up and reached for the phone and with a sleepy voice I said, "Hello?" and it was what I heard on the other side of the phone that was going to change my life forever, "Yes. This is Jesus. I want to invite you to come have brekfast with me at Denny's". I dropped the phone. I thought I was hallucinating. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I looked at the clock to make sure it was morning. 7AM. I reluctantly picked up the phone again and said, " I...I...I'll be right there".

I ran downstairs and cleaned up a little bit, but the excitement of that incidence overwhelmed me so much that I did not care how I smelled or how did I look. I have been waiting for this moment for a very long time. If it is a dream then I will come home with a frown, but I had to check it out because I was not going to pass up having breakfast with Jesus.

AT DENNY'S

I walked in the restaurant not knowing where to look exactly, but I figured I would recognize him...Long hair, long robe, long beard...right? It should be easy. As I tried looking for Him, I almost slapped myself because there was no one there looking like that. "Great. Now I am crazy, too".

" Hello, Csilla", a voice said. I looked to my right and there He was. Sitting in the booth, with a smile on His face, wearing a jeans jacket and some kaki pants, hair to his shoulders, and a cane. I had so many thought going through my mind and so many questions. He invited me to sit down and He ordered breakfast for us. I was not hungry. I could nto stop stearing at Him. His eyes were so loving and there was something about His presence. I felt so safe and at peace with Him. I cannot even describe it.

"How have you been?", Jesus asked. " " I want to know and hear everything."
I have been wanting someone to listen. I was so ready to spill out everything that was in my heart. I knew He was God and knew everything, but it felt so good to know He wanted me to tell. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go and put my head on His shoulders and just say, " Hold me. I am so broken. I am so hurt. I am so lonely...I am ...I am.." But, I didn't. I lied. " I'm good".

"Do you need anything?", He asked. " I am fine", I lied again. How can I be fine? Remember last night? Was that fine? I wanted to scream, but I wanted to be a strong girl and show that I cna do it all on my own and do not need anyone's help. And besides last time I trusted someone and they said they loved me, they took that back and regretted helping me. No. I am fine.

Good thing that Jesus did not believe me. And even better that He did not scold me. He said, " Oh...ok...so, you want Me leave then? I only have breakfast with people who need Me. I thought you needed Me. ...Anyway, I want to tell you that I love you so much"..... That was it. To really hear Him saying that, broke me. "Jesus, I do not know what love is.... I hear about it, but can't trust anyone".

" I am not anyone. I am here to show you that you can trust Me. I will always be with you and for you". He came to my side of the booth and hugged me. People in the restaurant were looking at us wondering what happened. I wanted to scream at them, " This is Jesus. Can't you tell? He can fix everything. He can fix everything". But no one recognized Him. I remembered how the Word says that He only shows Himself to who He wants to and to some eyes He is hidden. And He was there for me. For me....someone who did not deserve it; someone whom her family has rejected and whom one of her own family members said she got what she deserved; someone whom others thought she wasn't worthy to be loved because by the world's standards she is too big of a sinner and she does and say things that make her unlovable and less valueable. Night after night I would lie on my floor begging God to show up. I needed someone tangible. I needed a sign that He cared and loved me. I needed to know that I wasn't a screw-up and if I was, could He still change me? Was I worth anything?

"Come on, eat your breakfast. You need some strength and then I want you to meet me tommorrow here because we are going fishing".

c.2010.Csilla Elam