Breaking Free of an Abusive or Controlling Relationship - Where Children Aren't Involved

Once you finally realize that you are in an abusive or controlling relationship, it can be very hard to break free. How difficult it is can depend on how bad the abuse is, and what is at stake.

If it is just you involved, and there are no children, you are in a better position to break free, as you only have to worry about getting yourself out.
The less "possessions" you have, the easier it will be. If you have a lot of money in a joint account, or a valuable amount of possessions, it will be very difficult to get out with what you have contributed. You will have to make a sacrifice and take some loss. Getting out as soon as you can, will allow you to start your life over. The faster you start over, the more you will gain. Not getting out of an abusive relationship quickly, will only prolong the inevitable, and put you in harm's way longer.

If you find it difficult to just break free with nothing, or have no other means to live on, make a careful plan to allow yourself what is needed to get out.
For instance....open a personal savings account that your partner doesn't know about. Put as much as you can in it, over time, that won't be noticeable to your partner. This will give you something to have ready to start your life once you get out, and will also give you something to fall back on should you need to "get out in a hurry".

Get together any documents or information you will need once you leave. Make copies if it is something that will be noticed and missed. If there are things that you need the original document for, make a list of what is needed and where it is kept, so you can easily access it when you are ready to get away.
Keep all this information at a trusted friend or relative's house, or rent a safety deposit box.
You can also take any small valuable possessions that may not be missed.

Make a list of any other valuable possessions you may have that you will want to take with you when you leave, including things of sentimental value, and things you may need to use or sell. Keep this hidden in a safe place. Also keep a list of phone numbers of companies for which bills are in your name for. When you leave, make sure you cancel right away, and make sure your name and info. gets removed if it is a joint account.

If there are any police reports, get copies and keep them in a safe place, find out what needs to be done to get a "Protection from Abuse" order, when it can be done, and how long it will take to become effective.

Arrange for somewhere safe to stay, temporarily, till you can get back on your feet, if possible, or have info ready for domestic violence info and sheltering.

Once you make it out, don't ever give in to any promises or incentives the abuser may make to get you to come back. No matter how much you may want to believe that things will be better, they will not. It will get worse, and be much harder for you to leave a second time.