Breaking Free from the Chains of Narcissism

Narcissists only think of themselves. Everything is about them! They have no concern with your life at all. They delight in talking about themselves incessantly. It is their sole preoccupation.

Narcissists will drive you away, and then blame you because they're lonely. (A friend on the Elder Care board gave me that one.)

They will seldom (if ever) admit that they are wrong--about anything. Something is always wrong with you, not them. They will have you second-guessing and doubting yourself. Don't!

Narcissists will continually invalidate your feelings, because your feelings are not important to them, and cannot possibly be valid.

They will criticize in you, the things that they see in themselves. It's called projection.

Narcissists will make you co-dependent. You will do anything to avoid their wrath or displeasure, until you realize that it has cost you your soul. They are emotional vampires. You exist only for their pleasure.

They will claim that you are "overly sensitive", or "high strung."

You will have trouble believing that they have emotionally abused you, because they have convinced you that you're the one with the problem.

Narcissists will delight in keeping from you (the thing) or emotional response that you want. They use this to show their superiority in the relationship. They particularly delight in withholding the attention (and affection) you need.

If you don't do what they want, they will throw a tantrum, (or threaten to), and you will try to prevent that at all costs. They will lash out at you, call you names, and make you feel like the worst person on earth, all because you stood up for yourself, finally. But that's not part of their game--narcissists are to be in complete control, and you are to be submissive to their will.

Narcissists are users. You exist to meet their needs. Your pain makes them feel powerful.

They have no empathy, and yet expect you to commiserate continually about the injustices done to them.

Narcissists are so full of their own greatness, that they must make you feel inferior, or more to the point--insignificant. They don't give many compliments, and they are ungrateful people. They won't listen to you, show compassion or understanding, or seem to care in any way about anything going on in your life. They are only interested in their own reflection. You will always be competition to them.

They are totally self-absorbed. It's all about them. They crave attention.

Narcissists will call you jealous, but they are envious of any achievement or attention that is shown you. Narcissist mothers will constantly compete with their children for attention.

One of their favorite tools is manipulation (mind control.) They know how to get certain actions and reactions from you. They may play on your sympathy, your kindness, your fears, your faithfulness, and your love.

Most narcissists are pathological liars. But they will portray themselves as nice, likeable people. And they can lie as easily as breathing.

There is only one way to escape narcissists--you will have to leave. But after you leave, don't think it's over. They will often relentlessly pursue you, with harassing phone calls, pitiful, indignant cries for entitled assistance, or by showing up unannounced on your doorstep. You will need to change every phone number, and perhaps even move, to disengage yourself. After leaving, you will be tempted to make contact again. Don't do it!

Narcissists will tell lies about you to family and friends, while pretending to be the helpless, innocent victim.

Their words will ring in your head, long after the relationship has ended. Remember, you have been brainwashed for quite a long time.

You can take back your life, your independence, and your soul. But first you have to see their behavior for what it is. Realize that you are not the problem--they are. Give up the dream that narcissists will ever treat you as a normal, loving person would. They won't. Know that when you walk away, you will grieve, because you have lost all that you have known. But what you have experienced is in no way normal, and that realization is shocking, because you thought it was, simply because you have lived this way for so long.

You will hurt from the death of the dream, but surprisingly, you will soon realize that you don't really miss this person, because the relationship was so one-sided. Your only pay-off was in preventing a scene, or a tantrum. Your only true enjoyment was when the narcissist was pacified, and not making you miserable, with their complaints or criticisms. You were always afraid that everything might not be perfect enough, so you spent your whole life attempting the unachievable perfection that your narcissist demanded. (But not in exchange for love, attention, or affection--just to maintain the status quo.)

I've got good news for you. Freedom is wonderful! Life can be good again, but it will take some time to readjust. You can break free from the chains of narcissism. Once you know the truth, the truth will set you free.