Breaking the Habit of Serial Monogamy

Serial monogamy is typically used to describe a person who has had several short romantic relationships - one after the other. Typically the period of time between these relationships is fairly brief. Another kind of serial monogamy usually describes a person who has had little dating experience - only serious relationships. Everyone has different romantic needs. But most agree that serial monogamy causes some to miss out on a lot. Serial monogamy usually presents problems when people realize that they are making the same mistakes over and over again. If you have only enjoyed a series of short romances, you may want to find a way to break this cycle of rotating relationships.

Step 1: Stop "Projecting"

One common habit of serial daters is that they tend to "project" their long-term ideals, especially at the very beginning of the relationship-very often on the first date. Your head swarms with ideas about what it would be like to be married to this person. You doodle your new date's surname, the whole nine... Fantasizing about the future isn't necessarily a bad thing. But projecting your hopes and dreams onto a person that you've only known for short time is asking for trouble.

Step 2: Date Without "Purpose"

Many serial monogamists feel that dating is nothing more than an interview for marriage. But if you keep this mindset, then every date that doesn't go well will end up making you feel miserable. In the meanwhile, you will miss out on the fun that accompanies meeting and hanging out with new people. Just because you go on a date with a new person, doesn't mean that things have to get romantic.

Step 3: Stop Comparing

It's highly likely that serial monogamists do their fair amount of "keeping up with the Joneses." This is not a steadfast quality, per se. But people who feel compelled to be coupled up often use others as an example. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pattern yourself behind people who have a positive influence in your life. But focusing on things outside of yourself is a recipe for disaster - whether you are in a committed relationship or not.

Step 4: Learn to See the Big Picture

If you find that you hop from one serious relationship to another, it is quite possible that you have an over-romanticized version of what love should be like. As such, you may be overlooking all of the things that you have been doing to contribute to the end of your romances. More than likely, you haven't taken enough time to think about what your mate has said upon breaking up. If you really have been paying attention you may realize that your partners have been giving you clues as to what role you played in the break-up.

Step 5: Find Things in Life You Enjoy

This will pose a problem if all of the activities you enjoy require the presence of another human being. But it is extremely important that you find an activity (or three) that fulfills you. The stronger your sense of self, the less you will feel the need to be in a committed relationship. If you have a flimsy perception of yourself, then it is natural to feel that life has no meaning unless you are "attached" to another individual.

SOURCES:

www.psychologytoday.com
www.yourtango.com
www.thefrisky.com
www.iVillage.com