Breaking the Ice on a First Date

We have all been indoctrinated (OK, brainwashed) with what the boy-meets-girl protocol should be. The effect of so-called dating rituals, however, has caused people to develop subconscious lists of standards and requirements that they believe must somehow be realized on that first date.

So what happens? The two people show up with elevated expectations about the date, presumptions about the other person, and even self-imposed presumptions about themselves: "How do I look? Will I say the right [or wrong] thing? If this person is a creep how can I cut the date short? If they've got it goin' on but I want to play it cool and not let on that I'm diggin' them to that extent, how do I maintain a poker face-after all, it's our first date?"

Most first dates are affected by the answers to four basic questions:

1) Where are we going to go on a date?

2) What are we going to talk about?

3) Am I feelin' this person?

4) Is this person diggin' me?

The answers to these questions are, many times, bogged down with traditional expectations like dinner; movies; flowers; gifts; and other gestures of traditional romance. All of these are fine; but if they cause stress and tension, then the two people are getting off on the wrong foot.

You see, you are already a person that seeks to have reasonable expectations about people without judgment and at face value for who they are. A first date isn't necessarily a pass-or-fail test or interview for the likelihood of a lifelong bond-although it's known to happen.

As a "...down to earth person that loves to laugh and enjoy life..."-or however you would describer yourself-you already possess the first-date-tension-breaker secret:

1) Be yourself.

2) Show up with minimal or no expectations; leave room to be pleasantly surprised-or to be wowed.

3) Simple, creative, unconventional are words that describe a stress-free first date; when you talk about memories of your first date, even the memories will feel warm and stress-free because the two people kept it simple. (Simple means different things to different people. It does not mean cheap, inconsiderate, or without thought.)

4) Think in terms of "Topics" and you'll never run out of things to talk about. Single word topics are the best (e.g. Travel; Music; Shopping; Sports; Friends; Food; Film; Books, Sex, Favorite Things...etc.)

The bottom line is that if you show up on a first date with an attitude that you have nothing to loose by being yourself; no expectations except to enjoy each other's company and learn something about each other that you didn't know before the date; and that both people are there, not to take or get, but to give and share each other's time and openness, then tension is defeated right from the start because both people possess an awareness of themselves that is of value to whomever they share their time with.