Breakup or Couple's Counseling

You've just spent several years in a marriage, and now everything seems to be falling apart. As you look at your spouse you realize that they're a completely different person than the one you married years before. And now, thoughts of divorce are running through your mind. Should you give your relationship a second chance and seek counseling, or should you just call it quits?

These are just some of the questions which haunt the minds of many married couples today. With a tough economy and the rising cost of living, many good marriages are just simply falling by the wayside. What can be done for our marriage? Is it over; or is there hope for it yet.

Marriage is an institution which endures many changes throughout its course. Keeping a good foundation in the marriage not only means that the economic status of the marriage is stable, but also that the emotional and physical needs of both occupants are cared for.

Without proper nurturing of the relationship both partners soon begin to emotionally fade away from each other. The emotional entanglement which was in the marriage in the beginning is now longer in the picture.

Deciding what to do in this type of relationship usually takes a little more than just a word or two at the dinner table. You took the vow "till death us do part," but are you really willing to stick this relationship out to the very end?

Emotional and physical abuses are the two top factors in failed marriages today. One indiscretion can sometimes be overlooked, but when these bad habits seem to repeat themselves, then it past time to take a long hard look at your relationship.

If the guilty partner is unwilling to talk about his or her indiscretion, then the basic communication skills in the marriage has now fallen apart. Without good communication skills the relationship is sitting on very shaky ground. No longer are you a partner in this relationship, but just a mere spectator.

Without emotional trust in someone, your respect for them has slowly been diminished. Now you're willing to bear your heart and soul to someone just to be ignored. Because now your emotional sense of self has been threatened, and your ego has been shattered.

The spiritual side of you has now been lost in the shuffle of life. And now your emotional well being is a thing of the past. Your heart tells you to stick the relationship out, but your mind says otherwise. Once the relationship has gotten to this point professional counseling if definitely needed; that is if "both" partners are willing to work on the relationship.

But, if only one partner is willing to try counseling, then the marriage is basically over. Without both partners on the same emotional page, the marriage is on its last stage of the relationship.

Listed below are several relationship situations. Answer each question to yourself which is asked. If most of your answers are "yes" then it time to think about ending the relationship. If you answered "no" to most of these questions more than likely professional counseling will improve the quality of your relationship, and also help to save the marriage which you worked so hard to keep.

1. Does either partner feel un-attracted to the other?

When the physical chemistry between partners comes to a halt the marriage is usually on its way out. Sometimes hurtful things have been said in a disagreement to one another which now have devastating consequences on the relationship. In most cases this chemistry is very difficult to renew.

2. Do most of your discussions end up in an argument?

The ability to communicate properly in a relationship is a key ingredient for any successful marriage. Now, any discussions are one sided. One partner is unable to listen or accept any opinion other than their own. When a different opinion is voiced their overactive ego strikes out and has its revenge on the offender. And now a full blown argument is on the way.

3. Have you lost the respect for your partner?

Respect is an emotional action which is learned from trust and experiences from the past. Without the respect of your partner you no longer care for their opinions, feelings, or sense of self. Regaining back this respect of your spouse sometimes takes years to accomplish.

4. When disagreements ensue, do you usually give up on your opinion?

A one sided marriage is sure to fail. Everyone has their own opinion. When your opinion is no longer wanted, respect is soon lost for the offending spouse. Now, the controlling spouse is unable to see any situation other than the way it's perceived by them.

5. Has the sex life in your marriage ended?

Sex is not the key to any marriage, but it is a very physical and emotional part of any relationship. Even if the act of sex is no longer wanted in the marriage, some closeness of the spouse should still be desired such as: cuddling together, the caress of a hand, or a nice warm embrace. Without a physical bond of some type the emotional part of the relationship is in danger.

6. Do either you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events from the past?

Constantly living in the past is a bad emotional sign. Unable to give up thoughts or failures from the past is an emotional problem that must be dealt with immediately. Anyone who is unable to discuss this situation about themselves has even worse emotional problems.

Hopefully you answered "no" to most of these questions. When two people are still in love, and both spouses are willing to work on the problems of a relationship, seeking professional counseling is a great solution.

Understanding what makes your emotional clock tick is sometimes a problem only a professional can help you to understand. Whether your marriage is on the rocks or completely over, the balance of your life is left up to your decision.