Breastfeeding - Am I the Only One Who Wasn't Successful?

I was "that" pregnant woman--I had a running list of names with my husband, picked the colors for the nursery the minute we found out what we were having, and went to just about every class offered. My poor husband came to every class with enthusiasm and never complained--even the breastfeeding class. I wasn't really sure what to expect from it, but I actually learned a lot and it was good for us to get tips before the baby's arrival. We also took a birthing class--my birth experience was of course nothing like what they described, but it was good to learn what others go through I suppose. I never thought the same would be true for the breastfeeding class--that is until I couldn't do it.

If you are anything like me, you just assume that breastfeeding a new baby is a normal and natural thing. It's what your body is equipped to do after all, right? Well true as that may be, it's just not that simple. Maybe for some, but certainly not me! Let me set this up--I ended up having pre-eclampsia at the very end of my pregnancy. I consider myself lucky that it wasn't earlier as some women I know have experienced resulting in a pre-term baby. However I did end up with an induced labor that ultimately ended in a C-section. There's a lot more details, but I'll keep it simple here and now. I was on magnesium, which they assured me would not harm the baby nor my ability to breastfeed. Maybe it's a coincidence, but I can tell you that I never received supply as every other mother that I know.

I waited and waited, thinking that it would come in when I got home from the hospital. Four days passed, a week passed, ten days passed--nothing! I diligently pumped for the little darling, but at the very most I would only ever get an ounce at a time. My poor baby was starving! I ended up supplementing thankfully and ultimately turned down the medication that would possibly help me to get a supply--at the risk of it causing depression. I didn't need any help in that area so I determined that this baby was bound to be bottle fed.

When you are already hormonally imbalanced to begin with, the thought of something adding an element of depression seems unbearable. In the midst of all of this, I felt like the only mom in the world who was unable to breastfeed. While I logically knew this was not true, I felt so disappointed. I was grossly unprepared for bottle feeding and we really had to scramble--I was so confident and determined to breastfeed that I hadn't even considered anything else. Novice I know! All I can say is this--everyone has to do what is right for their baby and themselves. Some women choose to bottle feed from the onset, and that is the right choice for them. Some people (including a vast majority of my friends) are super stars at breastfeeding from the very beginning and have a freezer full of pumped milk to show for it. Whatever your situation you have to know that you are doing the very best for your baby within the best of your ability.

I am writing this so that people hear my experience and aren't disappointed if the same thing happens to them. I feel good that I made an attempt, but in the big picture I know that whatever I did would be right for my little baby and I. That's what it's all about, though it's hard to see past the disappointment and emotions at the time. Your baby will grow and thrive, and you will recover--you will enjoy so many wonderful things together. If you are like me (and I have since met quite a few like me), you have to know that this too shall pass and that baby will do just fine on formula. I have also learned that you can't compare yourself to others because every situation is different.

Just look at the tiny little baby face and remember that it's about being there and being the best mommy you can be! Your baby will be just fine no matter what feeding method you end up with!