Breathe 24/7 Radiant Moisture Gradual Tanning Body Lotion: Long Name, Takes Even Longer for Results

In the middle of March, as spring sprung and stores set out their summery merchandise, I found this lotion at Bath & Body Works. I don't usually go to tanning beds during the winter, and loathe the start of skirt season because of my pasty white legs. I saw that this particular lotion promised gradual tanning with every day application and decided that it might just be the solution.

Breathe 24/7 Radiant Moisture Gradual Tanning Body Lotion (aka Breathe Gradual Tanning Lotion for short) comes in different scents. The one I chose was "Romance", coming in a shiny fuschia bottle and smelling of "sensuous amber myrrh". Actually it smells just like any other self-tanning lotion, with some amber myrrh covering it up. Breathe Gradual Tanning Lotion also comes in "Calm" which is a scent of Lotus Blossoms, "Comfort" a scent of Vanilla Milk, "Delight" a scent of Tamarind Nectar, "Energy" a scent of Ginger Verbena, and "Happiness" a scent of Citrus Watermint.

Breathe Gradual Tanning Lotion's price is a bit steep, but like most items at Bath & Body Works was "on sale." You know what I mean by that, right? Everything at that store is overly priced but they get you by having things constantly "on sale." "Only 2 for $20!" was Breathe Gradual Tanning Lotion's cry for purchase. Separately the lotion costs $14.50 a bottle. But you could purchase it for only $10 if you also bought a bottle of Breathe Instant Warmth Gentle Body Scrub (original price $12.50) for $10. Most women think "What a deal!" and buy away. Blame it on my mother, an avid shopper of B&BW; I fall into this group sometimes as well.

Let's rack up the pros and cons of Breathe Gradual Tanning Lotion so far. We have its smell-less than desirable and pungent throughout the day. We have the price-"on sale" as far as B&BW standards go, but still expensive. Now we move on to the most important factor. Does the bloody stuff work? I can live with the self-tanning lotion smell. I can even live with the fact that I paid $10 for it and got suckered into buying some body scrub for $10 along with it. What I can't deal with is the fact that I've been slathering this stuff on for 2 weeks now and this Gradual Tanning Lotion is too damn gradual for me. Promising "a natural-looking glow within just a few days", this product is a crock. While I didn't expect a Bahama Mama tan from a lotion in a bottle, I expected some color, something darker than the current paper white pigment state of my legs. After two weeks, I don't have that.

I will continue to slather this stuff on, hoping that sometime before summer, my legs will no longer be in the state of reflecting back the sun 100% of the time. But I will never buy this product again. It was over-priced ($10 a bottle, "on sale"), smells bad-you shouldn't have to live with the smell of self-tanning ingredients all day long, and does not work. I recommend skiing in shorts, sunbathing in between April showers, and gardening in your bikini. All would give you a better chance of a tan than Breathe Gradual Tanning Lotion.