Bret Michaels, My Rock of Love

I'm not really much for TV, especially reality TV... However, I was having an exceptionally lazy Sunday. It was rainy, I was tired, and had a total lack of motivation. This is how it all began with me and... Bret Michaels. My husband and I sat in a trance like state watching Bret Michaels, Rock of Love for six solid hours that day. Not one of my finer moments, let me assure you. I'm sure my hubby was in it for all the hot chicks, for me, it was just like a train wreck. I didn't want to stare, but I just couldn't look away.

And from that Sunday until the end of the season, I was totally hooked. My husband and I debated about it all week between episodes. And at work, I discussed little else.

Why not just start with the "star" of the show, Lacey. The woman we love to hate. Frankly, she was a totally manipulative, backstabbing, lying, well, you get the point. She did the thing that annoys me most in the world. Someone could be SCREAMING at her, ready to HIT her, and she'd smile, and sometimes laugh. I HATE that. But, in some weird way, I've learned that I admire it as well. This is the whole embodiment of the Bret Michaels show, it somehow causes you to learn things about yourself you didn't know before. If someone is yelling at me, or very angry with me, I cry almost every time. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I can't stand confrontation. How I WISH I could be the girl that laughs at other people's distress. Kudos, Lacey, you're pretty tough in my eyes. And what about her creepy dad? Seriously, she had no hope of coming out normal. It takes a lot of stones to look Bret Michaels in the eye and tell him there's going to be a pre nump, with his no talent, stage crawling hoochie mama daughter... Bret Michaels makes more while he's taking a potty break than she'll probably see in a life time for crying out loud. And then this whole situation with poor Dallas. Even though this theory is in no way based in fact, I just got this whole racist vibe out of Lacey when it came to Dallas. Far be it from me to turn something into a race issue, because that seriously annoys me too, but that's just what I picked up from Lacey's cold hard hatred of Dallas. And then on the reunion show at the end of the season, I was so proud of Dallas for rising above it and conducting herself like a lady while Lacey just rolled in the mud a little more. More power to ya, Lacey. Sometimes a lump of coal where a heart should be is just the way to go in life.

Although Lacey was certain that she was THE woman for Bret Michaels, I was pretty sure that Jes had it in the bag the entire time. She wasn't personally MY pick, but I think she did a very good job of snowing him. Personally, she seemed very frigid and emotionless for someone that age. I mean, I wasn't cold and emotionless yet at that age (just kidding). I kind of felt that I was seeing through her "cool chick" routine, where Bret Michaels for some unknown reason did not. Those rock stars, apparently they're real pushovers. Must be why they get in so much trouble. But frankly, women do not help out other women, whom they DESPISE when said women become filthy stinking drunk and make spectacles of themselves in real life. That is just a fact of life. Jes knew that it would make her look like a nice girl and a "cool chick" to do that. Period.

And speaking of the "cool chick" routine, what is with this Sam and all the tatoos? That chick is a cookie baking kindergarten teacher if ever I saw one. She is the DEAD LAST person who should be with a rock star, or any musician on the planet for that matter. Although I really liked her, and actually might pick her for a friend in real life, I think her whole look was just another attempt to be something that she's not.

Which brings me to Heather. I thought Heather was the only "for real" woman on that show. I think she acted exactly as she would act in real life. When she said she was in love with Bret, I believed it. Really, the way she laid it all on the line and just told him she loved him was pitiful. And that's what we are when we're pathetically in love... Pitiful. And so when it came down to the final call between she and Jes, I could almost read her whole thought process when he asked if they'd both be his girlfriend. She was thinking, almost any man, maybe every man, would be into that sort of thing, so I better say what he wants to hear. Low and behold he was testing her and she failed. On the one hand, it seemed so cold for him to punk her out like that, but then, I guess in reality, we all test the ones we love in one way or the other. The thing is, if you really love them, you still keep them, even if they fail.

But, I think old Bret got a could dose of reality by picking someone in such a shallow way. Even though I hold no illusions that the entire show was anything more than just "TV magic", in my heart of hearts, I have dreams of Bret and Heather ending up together, and living happily ever after...