Bribing Kids: Pros and Cons

So many parents bribe their children hoping to get the child to cooperate. If you behave in the store, you can pick out a toy. If you stay in your seat you can have a cookie. If you pick up your toys, you can watch cartoons. I've seen it hundreds of times. Some parents expect and want immediate results in their child's actions; therefore resorting to bribing. But is this approach really beneficial?

Bribing may help end a certain negative behavior or interest the child into doing what he/she is told, but usually this is only a temporary fix. By bribing a child, the parent is teaching the child that the only reason to do what the parent asks or wants is because the child will be rewarded, even if it follows a negative behavior. This can be a problem in many ways. First of all, the child will always expect to get a reward by doing what the parent wants. When the expected reward is not presented right away a child may resort to throwing tantrums until they receive that reward. The child is not learning why he/she needs to behave or listen to the parent, they are only learning that if they do comply they can get something good out of it.

As a parent it is crucial to be firm and consistent with your child. Simply praising your child when a positive behavior is present can be just as affective as bribing. During a difficult situation, a parent should point out the negative behavior and explain to the child why his/her behavior is unacceptable or why he/she needs to listen to what the parent says. Even removing the child from the surroundings until the child is ready to listen can help. This may not have immediate results but being consistent and firm throughout will help the child to learn that he/she needs to obey the parent regardless.

Bribing material things may cause a child to become greedy and more disobedient. A child may treasure spending time with the parent doing something fun, just as much as a toy. For example if a child is having a difficult time at the grocery store (not staying in the cart seat, pulling stuff off the shelves, running around) a parent might say, " You need to stay seated and behave while we are at the store because Mommy/Daddy (or whomever) needs to finish shopping. If you behave, we can finish quickly and we can have some extra time to play outside when we get home." This type of explanation can be applied to many different situations and is very affective. It teaches the child why they need to obey the parent and by doing so will provide a natural reward (in this situation; having extra time to play)

Not only is this approach affective but it can help strengthen the bond between a parent and child. Soon the child will want to please the parent and do what he/she is told. The child will be able to understand why negative behavior is not okay and will eventually learn that positive behavior will bring a much bigger reward than material things.