Brides Gone Mad with Power!

I was prompted to write this piece after hearing on the radio a discussion of a new trend. I did some research and found this is all over the news! Click here to see one of the stories as reported by Rajeshni Naidu. The trend, in short, is that Brides are now asking their bridesmaids to sign contracts in order to be in their wedding! A contract? You are going to ask your friend to sign a contract? You are going to ask your sister to sign a contract? These contracts state things such as:
-You cannot gain weight
-You cannot dye your hair
-You cannot get pregnant
-You cannot get a tattoo on your back

Brides like to have control over their wedding, but how much is too much?

On the radio show, many callers explained their situations. One caller was all set to be in her good friend's wedding when she got pregnant. Her good friend basically kicked her out of the wedding and replaced her with someone who could fit into her size 8 dress. As you may guess, the friendship is over. This is why I must express my opinion on this matter. My maid of honor was pregnant at my wedding, we just had her dress taken out. I would NEVER even THINK about kicking out a friend or family member for something like this.

When it comes to gaining weight or asking your friend not to get pregnant, I think that is totally crossing the line. You are supposed to want your friend to participate in your special day, so what if she puts on a few pounds prior to the day. And who are you to dictate when she should and should not have kids? If my friend were to ask me to agree to either of these, I wouldn't want to be in the wedding anyway. One caller reported that she had major surgery before her brothers wedding which caused her to gain 15 pounds. The sister-in-law basically got her kicked out of the wedding since it would ruin her "perfect" day. How can you punish someone for that after they had just been through surgery? I would not have even gone to the wedding if that were to ever happen to me. Another caller stated she has to attend monthly "weigh-ins" to make sure she can still fit in to her dress and hold up to her part of the contract. I think I would gain weight on purpose if I was asked to go through that!

Then there is the dying your hair or getting tattoos part. That part, I can somewhat understand, but I still don't see the need for a contract. The way I see it is that if these people are truly your good friends, they will respect your wishes and not dye their hair pink, or get a large tattoo on their shoulder just before your wedding. I already knew my bridesmaids were not the hair-dying, tattooing type so I didn't even mention this to them. However, if you have friends who are often doing these types of things, then ask them nicely not to do it before your wedding. If they are really your friends, they won't! If you don't trust them enough that you think you need to use a contract, then maybe they aren't your friends at all. Think about it in reverse as well. If your best friend politely asked you not to dye your hair any odd colors before the wedding, wouldn't you oblige? Would it really be that hard to wait until after the wedding to dye your hair pink?

The Right Way to Do It
If you are one of these out of control brides, I want you to sit back and think. Did you choose your bridal party based on how good your pictures would look? Or did you choose them because they are your close friends and family and you want them to participate? If you answered Yes to the first question then please GET SOME HELP!! If you instead answered Yes to the second question, and you are still considering a contract, think again. Think about how you would feel if you best friend or your close sister asked you to sign a contract promising not to gain weight. Even if they willing sign the contract, they may feel angry towards you and most likely they will be talking about you behind your back. Do you really want gossip on your wedding day? The only gossip I wanted to overhear was how great I looked :)

When I got engaged, I knew the most important thing to me was that my friends and family could be in the wedding. I wanted to make sure the important people were there. So when it came to my bridesmaids, I let them pick out dresses with me only having veto power if I really didn't like it. I let them wear whatever shoes they wanted. I let them do their hair however they wanted. The only thing I asked them to do was to decide on the same dress and wear the matching earrings I bought them. Other than that, if they wanted pink nail polish, that's their deal. If they wanted to chop their hair off, they could! Of course, I knew my two bridesmaids well enough to know that they wouldn't make any changes like this.

My maid of honor ended up getting pregnant about 5 months before the wedding. Did I say "you're out!" Absolutely not! Instead we dealt with the dress shop and they were able to easily let out the dress for her. They were also more than prepared to order a bigger size if needed. I have been to another wedding as well where someone in the bridal party was pregnant and she had to keep getting a bigger dress since she was almost 7 or 8 months pregnant by the wedding date. That may have been stressful since they had no idea when she would stop growing, but you just do what you can to fix the dress, you don't kick them out! You shouldn't expect people to plan their entire family based on YOUR wedding.

Lessons Learned
I had a fantastic wedding day and I love all my pictures. Weddings are meant to bring families and friends closer together, not to push them apart. If you are one of those brides that think everything needs to be perfect in order for you to be happy, I think it's time you reevaluate your life and what is really important to you. Focus on getting your friends and family to the celebration, focus on them enjoying themselves and having a good time, and in the end you will enjoy it. If you are instead focused on perfection, you are bound to find one thing wrong that day and have it ruin your whole day. If your friends and family are enjoying themselves, what more do you need? Enjoy!!