Bridging the Gap in the Black Family

"Thirty-two percent of our children have their father in the home. ... correlation to the achievement of Black students and according to statistics." This is a startling reminder that is confirmed by the many fatherless children I have taught over the last 8 months here in Chicago. Every time I enter a classroom, I see behavioral issues in the young black males, even at the youngest age of seven or eight year old Elementary School children. It is a reminder that there's a lot of work to do in the black family to bridge the gap and fill in the gap before any more of the black boys are pulled in by the streets, or gangs.

According to the AllBusiness.com site, "In the African American community, single mothers abound leaving many black children to grow up without experiencing a father's love. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 48% of black children lived with a single mother in 2002." As a child of a single mother, it is another harsh reminder that the African American community has to start to rebuild our community due to the gap that the fatherless hole has left our children. Break down in communications, along with relationship shifts, leave children on a dangerous shore to develop some negative habits that may endanger future generations to come. I do not agree that single mothers leave the black children to grow up without experiencing their father's affections, rather the situations that black women are placed or put themselves in may be the catalyst for these ugly reminders that disconnected relationships are leaving children out.

The blame is not to place on either the black man or the woman, for there is a case by case scenario situation. There are other circumstances beyond the relationship itself that causes the big gap of lonely nights, missed graduations, and personal achievements of the children. The children often are left to feel as though it is their fault and unfortunately, it is a combination of things that do impact the fatherless epidemic that is facing the African American community.

Other statistics that are harmful to the community at large. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school. --Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, DC; GPO, 1993. In my personal opinion this is the most damaging thing that needs to be addressed. I have a personal family member who did drop out of school and I believe if there was a father figure type or a father involved, he may have been able to be guided, but because the mother could not 'control' him, he was drawn in by the alluring streets. This occurs so much with many of our young black males that it is very scary.

Over half of Americans agree that most people have unresolved problems with their fathers. The generation who has experienced more father absence, 18- to 24-year-olds, displayed the highest level of agreement (67.2%). Source National Center For Fathering 1996. As a single woman who still has unresolved problems with her father, I agree. It's extremely challenging to deal with this due to many disconnected feelings, communications can be strained, and emotions can impact the ability to bridge the gap and heal the relationship. For the relationship to be resolved, both parties must leave the past in the past, and agree to disagree. You will not agree on everything. Many people do find this a hard thing to deal with and often are unforgiving.

How do we begin to bridge the gap and begin rebuilding our communities and fatherless children? It has to become important to put the children first. Many times the father and mother cannot come to terms with their personal issues and it spills over to the children. If the father has to leave the home or situation, then there should be a plan to keep him involved in the child's life. He must be available to help rear and raise the child. If at all possible, he should be a partner in raising the child along with the mother. How else will the child retain good life lessons and learn from the father, if he is not available. Low self-esteem, poverty, violence, and other negative influences can be address if, the children have both parents involved. If both parents are not involved, then, the community at large must play a key role in keeping the child on a positive road.

As a community we have to also honor those fathers that are taking care of their children and supporting them. Whether they are 'perfect' or not, we need to focus on the positive fathers and not just keep the focus on the negative fathers. Many of the positive fathers may not even hear a "thank you" or get any accolades. It is important in the community and the world to keep the fathers that are apart of their children's lives to be honored, to be appreciated, and even though they are doing what they are supposed to do, it's important for them to hear "something positive."

With positive reinforcements, getting fatherless children involved in after school programming, and community events, we can bridge the gap. We can appreciate those fathers doing their part, and encourage the other fathers that aren't doing that part - to be come involved in their children's lives. While some may not be receptive to community efforts, parenting classes, some may want to improve themselves. For those fatherless children in the world, please do not blame yourself for a father leaving. It is not your fault.

While growing up in a single parent home may not be desired, think of the positive skills you may have acquired as a result of the experience and use that to expand your world. For the fathers, on this father's day weekend, thank you for investing in your children. Sometimes we may not say it, but we really do appreciate you.

Bridging the gap, may be challenging but I know with a village of support, it can and will be done.

(c) 2007 by Pam Osbey