Brief News: Dedicated Church Pastor Suffers Accidental Death After Arming Congregation

Raleigh, NC-Early Friday, Pastor Phillip James of the Missionary Evangelistic Episcopal Baptist Church of God In Christ was killed after he attempted to resolve a local gang crisis by arming his congregation.

Phillip, a dedicated pastor who believed in the righteousness of all men, had recently been called upon by his congregation to intervene in a local gang conflict. The Capital Boulevard Bloods have been feuding with the Brentwood Road Crips, and leaving a trail of burglaries, vandalisms, and grisly murders in the process.

"It's been affecting the whole community, so our congregation got together and asked him to intervene," Philip's wife, Miss Adelaide Beulah Lee, told reporters. "He tried and he tried, but nothing was working, so he decided to use his connections-he used to be a drug dealer before he went to prison and found God-to obtain a bunch of weapons."

The Pastor's goal had been to arm his congregation and lead an assault on both gangs. Unfortunately, his plans were thwarted when, during a test run, church lady Erma Ella Louise accidentally fired a weapon at him.

"She was just trying to figure out how to use a bazooka when it suddenly went off and blew my poor husband into a thousand tiny bits and pieces," Miss Adelaide mournfully remarked.

"LORD HAVE MERCY!"

Moral of the story: I think arming the Libyan rebels is a really, really bad idea.