Brief News: Man Who Enjoys Torturing Flies to Death Claims to Not Be a Sadist

Raleigh, NC--Capital city native William Denison absolutely hates flies--so much so that he invested in 500 Big Bag Fly Traps just so that he could capture thousands of flies, pull apart their limbs one by one and then cook their limbless but still alive bodies in a microwave.

"Look, I'm not some sadist who enjoys scaring dogs, roasting ants or blowing up frogs--except on July 4^th, of course--but when it comes to flies, it's a totally different matter altogether," Williams told reporters, while staring at his latest batch of captured flies with eyes alight. "Flies have no respect whatsoever for social boundaries; even after you swap at them, they keep coming back, buzzing, buzzing and buzzing around your eyes, nose and mouth."

"And frankly, after years of being constantly disrespected by them, I snapped!"

William has, in fact, already killed slightly over 12,000 flies this month alone . . . and it's only July 2^nd! His neighbors appreciate his efforts, for the most part, though there are few church-going folks in the neighborhood who're scared to death of him.

"It's quite sad, really," William commented. "I'm into catching and torturing flies until they die in pain and agony."

He continued, "What's so scary about that?!"

Moral of the story: I hate flies!