Brief News: Michele Bachmann Wins Scott O'Dell Award for Historical Fiction

Minnesota U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann has won this year's Scott O'Dell Award for Historical Fiction. She won the prize for her "remarkable ability" to spontaneously craft intricately detailed fictional worlds that go perfectly in stride with her political positions.

"Miss Bachmann's remarkable ability to literally come up with a completely fictional world at a moment's notice is absolutely amazing," O'Dell Committee chairperson Hazel Rochman told reporters. "She possesses a talent for historical fiction that would make the greats like Sir Walkter Scott, Leo Tolstoy, and even Mark Twain weep in utter and complete reverence."

Bachmann's archrival, New York U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner, was especially impressed with her tremendous abilities.

"I'm completely blown away by her talent and passion for historical fiction," he remarked to a Fox News correspondent. "And to think this whole time I thought she was just spewing total bullshit."

Bachmann went on to celebrate her victory by reciting her own version of the Gettysburg Address, in which the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, decreed that "all men are created equal, except for black people, brown people, poor people, gay people, and aliens-both the illegal types and the ones in those little green suits."

Moral of the story: Though Bachmann is quite fine for her age, she's bat-shit crazy.