Brief News: Newt Gingrich's Penis Honored at White House Award Ceremony

Washington-Newt Gingrich's penis, Lil Newt, was awarded a Medal of Patriotism by President Barack Obama Thursday night for his brave actions during the Vaginal Crisis of 1980, in which he single handedly thwarted terrorist vaginas from unleashing what could have been a deadly wave of venereal disease on the American population.

According to official government records, Lil Newt used his illustrious charm to establish a relationship with the aforementioned vaginas. Unbeknownst to them at the time, he had doused himself with penicillin, which they mistook for lubrication. One by one, he went on to penetrate them and unleash his lube-like agent, thereby permanently extinguishing the threat of what could have been a national venereal emergency of epic proportions.

"In 1980, Lil Newt went where no penis has ever gone before-deep into the cavernous recesses of the most dangerous vaginas to ever threaten our great country," President Obama said at the ceremony. "If it were not for his unbridled passion for the United States, only God knows how many men would have become victims to venereal disease."

Obama went on to kneel before Newt Gingrich and place the Medal of Patriotism on Lil Newt, who stood excitedly erect in salute.

The President later told reporters, "Newt Gingrich is a slimy ass who's full of shit, but Lil Newt . . . well, he's a motherf**king patriot, my brothas !"

Moral of the story: Newt Gingrich is a slimy ass who's full of shit!