Brief News: Palin Skips Whitehouse, Eyes God's Seat Instead

Friday, March 25-Having decided that the White House is beneath her, former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has opted instead to form an exploratory committee to determine whether God's seat in Heaven is worthy enough for her royal presence.

"The White House is to Sarah Palin what a retirement home is to Oprah Winfrey," Tea Party spokesman Andrew Breitbart told reporters early Friday. "They just aren't meant for one another."

Tasked with leading the committee, Breitbart has already begun raising funds for Palin's campaign to oust God and take over as the universe's supreme leader. Since Palin hasn't yet declared her candidacy, Breitbart refuses to reveal whether he's been successful thus far. However, insiders report that he has in fact already secured funds from the likes of Satan, the ghost of Saddam Hussein, and a bunch of dead Jihadists.

There are also rumors circulating that republican columnist Ann Coulter donated a whopping $100,000 to Palin's campaign. Coulter denies this, but her written words suggest otherwise.

"This whole Socialist, Commi love thy neighbor and love thy enemy crap has to stop, and Sarah Palin is just the person to make it happen!" Coulter wrote in her column Thursday. "So get off your lazy asses and text SCREWGOD to 66666."

She added, "As true Christians, it's about time we take back our universe!"

Moral of the story: The White House is to Sarah Palin what the moon and the stars are to a physically handicapped 12-year-old boy. Not only is she way beneath it, but she'll never ever rise up enough to reach it.