Brief News: Stupid-Ass Neighborhood Dog Barks at God

Austin, Texas-- An annoying, piece-of-shit dog known throughout the Austin neighborhood of Liberty Hill as Buster likes to bark at anything, be it human, animal, alien or rock--yes, I said rock. As of late Thursday afternoon, it appears that Buster even likes to bark at God!

"I was just hanging out in my living room yesterday around 5:30pm, drinking some brown ale and relaxing from a hard day at work, when suddenly the door flew open and God--friggen God, man--walked in," Buster's owner, Darrian Bartholomew, told reporters. "The next thing I know, Buster is all up in his face barking like a jackass."

"It's like WTF dude? Nobody barks at God!"

According to God's secretary, a heavenly day laborer by the name of Jesus (not to be confused with Jesus Christ), God was at the time paying Darrian a visit to tell him to "shut his dog the f**k up." The visit was prompted by the nonstop complaints that have been flooding his office regarding the incessant barking.

"We got angels, dead spirits and even friggen demons sending us telepathic complaints about this bullshit all the time!" Jesus explained. "Straight-up dude . . . you know shit is bad when even Satan-worshipping demons are asking for God's help!"

The last thing God expected from the visit, however, was to be personally barked at by the accused mutt. According to both Darrian & Jesus, God grew so enraged that he literally "kicked Buster's ass straight to purgatory."

In Related News: Stupid-Ass Dog Barks At Satan

Moral of the Story: This piece was designed to make fun of barking dogs. There just happen to be a shitload of them in my current neighborhood. In fact, last weekend, I came outside in the middle of the night to have a smoke, and there was a dog about a mile away barking like crazy. I came back outside 30 minutes later and he was still barking! LOL!