Brief News: Superman Revealed to Be Paul Ryan

Raleigh, NC-MSNBC correspondent Richard Engel has revealed that Paul Ryan is in fact Superman. He made the remarkable discovery while on assignment last Friday, April 1 at Wakefield Middle School.

"When I arrived, a little, skinny geeky asshole was fighting this nice, gentle 200-pound boy who had just been trying to collect the geeky prick's mandatory daily lunch-money fee," Engel explained on The Rachel Maddow Show. "Then all of a sudden, Superman flew out of nowhere and whipped that geek's punk ass and forced him to pay his dues."

Engel went on to explain how, using the incredibly refined spy skills that he learned from reading H. G. Well's' science fiction novel The Invisible Reporter, he followed Superman into a bathroom and then watched-in utter disbelief-as he changed from Superman into Paul Ryan.

"I was in complete and total shock at first," Engel said, "but it makes perfect sense now that I think about it, because Superman's courageous actions fit perfectly with Paul Ryan's even more courageous legislation."

Ryan himself has yet to admit to the allegations, but Engel has no doubt that the "extremely self-assured and confident politician" will soon come clean about being Superman-not to mention Glenn Beck's secret gay lover.

Moral of the story #1: Bill Maher-"It irks me to no end that people keep calling him 'courageous,' the way the media never really looks into anything very deeply, they hear a buzzword, like 'courageous' attached to Paul Ryan, and now it's conventional wisdom that Paul Ryan is courageous. Really? Courageous would have been going after defense and farm subsidies and corporations and rich people. His budget doesn't do any of that, it goes after children, the poor, the jobless, the people who had the least and could least defend themselves, who had no lobbyists, this is courageous? This is picking on the weakest, smallest kid on the playground and getting called courageous for it." (Preach, bruh bruh!)

Moral of the story #2: Richard Engel is the one who should be called courageous!