Bring it On: Overcoming Anxiety and Panic Attacks

I can't complain about my childhood. It was probably the best time of my life. I missed those days when I didn't need to worry about problems that adults deal with on a regular basis. But growing up is inevitable and it is that stage of life where you start dealing with things left and right and you start to become overwhelmed. Despite having such good childhood, I knew early on that I have low self esteem. That didn't bother me too much because I knew that I can excel in some areas in life. There's just a tiny little thing in my head that somehow was there to tell me that I can't do this and I can't do that. I call it the brat. It's like the one thing that was holding me back from doing things that I am actually capable of doing. I was able to turn off that brat inside my head and started to live life.

Career-wise, I wasn't doing bad. I was actually able to achieve the goals I have set for myself. The only problem was that I can't seem to stay in one company for too long. The longest was five years. The rest were one to 2 years. It was when I became a freelance writer when I started feeling that the brat inside my head is back in full force. I started to think negative things and my self-esteem has taken a beating. I started to think that things will always go wrong. The evil "What If...?" question seem to always pop up at any given time. Questions like "What if I faint in public?", "What if I grow old and not have enough money?", "What if i started having outbursts?", "What if I don't become successful?". These were all coming from out of nowhere. They are unfounded fears. They are irrational. Perhaps I have so much time in my hand that I began to think of nonsensical things just to while away the time. I have no real answer. All I know is that the brat is there inside my head scaring the hell out of me.

I believe that what I had was a case of Anxiety Disorder. It's not severe but it was huge enough to trigger my first panic attack. It happened when I was in a shopping mall and I got hungry all of a sudden. I felt a little weak and a little dizzy. It was really nothing serious and a good lunch will solve the problem, but then my mind went into high gear and started to think of the "What If's...". What if I lose consciousness because of hunger? Who will take me to the hospital? Will people help me? What if I die? All these thoughts were in my head and they overcame the rational me. So I started to catch my breath and my heart was racing like crazy. I felt cold. So, what did I do? I went to a place where I thought no one will see me go through the ordeal. After 10 minutes, I was ok again. I felt a little relieved but I was still scared that it will happen again. And what scared me even more was the question "When will it strike again?"

After that panic attack, my lifestyle changed dramatically. I no longer go out with friends and I always have an excuse to not meet up with them. I preferred staying at home. It had gotten worse because of financial problems. I began to pity myself and regret that I chose to give up the good things I had, career-wise. There was a point that I fell into a mild depression. It was the saddest feeling that you wouldn't wish even to your enemy. Fear and sadness are two things that can break you. I sought help from self-help books, audio, and ebooks. I engaged in discussions with people from an online community who are also having the same problem. I've learned a lot about Anxiety Disorder and the cure is really simple. You just gotta face your fears. Confront them. It sounds corny but it was what made me overcome the anxiety and the panic attacks. It may not work for everyone, but it can be the start.

Anxiety is a vicious cycle. After you are done thinking of something negative, another negative will pop up. If you have overcome the initial feeling of anxiety, it will not stop. Your mind will not rest. You will continue to think of new things that can go wrong. So how was I able to turn it off? Believe me it wasn't easy. That brat inside my head was just too relentless. Normally, when anxiety or panic attacks strike, what I do is to run to a safe place where I can be alone while i wait for the attack to subside. People usually have two options, "Fight or Flight". I chose to flee from it all, hoping that the feelings will subside fast. But the problem here is that if you decide to run away, there is this nagging feeling that the attack will happen again. The anxiety is there and it could once again trigger a panic attack. So, with all the books I read and audio I've listened too, they are saying just one thing and that is to embrace anxiety, instead of fighting it or running away from it. I know it sounds nuts. But I was so desperate to find a real way to overcome my anxiety that I will try anything to bring back my carefree and fun-loving self.

Embracing anxiety can also mean that you slowly program yourself to think that nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Think of the times you have had those panic attacks. What was the worst thing that actually happened? When I had my panic attack, the worst that happened was me looking stupid running away and hiding in a safe place. The shortness of breath is not severe and no ER will actually think I was having problems. The dizziness is just me being hungry. I did not pass out. I did not die. Every time I go through the ordeal, nothing bad happened. So, program yourself to think that at every panic attack, nothing bad is going to happen. Think about it, if something bad happens every time you are anxious or having panic attacks, perhaps you would be dead by now. And if you think that you are going to lose your sanity every time there is a panic attack, then why are you still sane?

If you can program yourself to think positive and assure yourself that nothing bad is going to happen, then you can get to the next step. This is the time when you are ready to face the brat head on. No more fighting, no more running away. Just confront those fears and feelings of anxiety. Sure, you will have the usual shortness of breath, perspiration, the cold feeling all over, and all those things associated with a panic attack. That's a natural thing because it's the body's way to prepare for an impending danger. Guess what? THERE IS NO REAL DANGER. You have tried fighting it and running away from it. Now, try not to do anything. Again, it's some kind of whacked out tactic, but perhaps it's something that can actually work for you. My personal experience was when I was driving and got stuck in traffic. The brat inside my head started to work doubly hard at feeding me some negative thoughts. The two things I can really remember thinking was "What if I have a panic attack here inside the car and there's no way out?' and the other one is "What if I go crazy and start shouting and have an ourburst?'. It was a scary moment. But I just remembered that each panic attack I had, NOTHING BAD happened to me. So, with that in mind. I told the brat in my head, "So What?". It was my counter attack to the would-be panic attack that is just all inside my head. The brat, as I've said, is relentless. I think she is ready to bombard me with more negative thoughts. Well, BRING IT ON! I was ready to play this mind game until the brat is silenced. You know what? It worked. It worked so well that when I look back, I can feel that I have overcome the one thing that is stopping me from enjoying life to the fullest.

I cannot guarantee that what I did to overcome anxiety and panic attack will work for everyone. The main thing to realize is that you have to trust in yourself that you can overcome it. There should be an effort in your part to truly believe in your heart that you are ready to overcome anxiety. Another way that helped me totally prepare is surround myself with friends and exerted effort to actually go out. Even if I work at home, I made it a point to go out everyday so that I won''t feel detached from reality.

Without the trust in yourself, the road to healing may be longer and may be filled with lots of setbacks. The first thing you need to do is to prepare yourself to overcome anxiety. Only then you can face it, confront it, and get rid of it. The brat inside your head can actually be your best friend. Think what your life would be if that brat feeds you positive things. Life can be good again.