Bringing a Date Home for Thanksgiving

It's the time of year again when family comes together to reunite, regroup, and catch up with one another over turkey and good conversation. It's also the time of year when couples everywhere are wondering, in the back of their minds, how their date is going to fare at Thanksgiving dinner. For some, it's the first time they are bringing a new significant other home to meet the family and there is a lot to be nervous about. Bringing a date home for the holidays is stressful.

You may be looking at your significant other and thinking he or she is wonderful...but how can you get your family to see all that you see? How can you ensure a smooth, relaxed visit with your family? How can you be sure that your family will not only enjoy spending time with you and your date, but will be begging you to bring your date back for Christmas?

1. Prepare your family - Always ask if it is okay to bring a date. Never assume and let them know you are bringing someone well in advance. It's a terrible feeling for those cooking dinner to realize there won't be enough for everyone. Don't think one more won't hurt. Cousins Joe and Sally might be thinking the same thing about bringing their dates. Also, think about the relationship. If it's someone you've only known a few weeks, it might be too early to be including them in family events. It may be cruel to get your family too attached to dates you bring home or let your date get attached to your family if your relationship is not a sure thing just yet. Your family won't take your dates seriously if you are bringing a new date to every Thanksgiving dinner.

2. Prepare your date - Let him/her know what to expect. If there is anything that might be considered odd about your family, make sure to let them know so they won't be caught off guard by Uncle Harry's chronic flatulence problem, Aunt Margaret's malfunctioning hearing aid that makes her shout everything she says, or your cousin's alcoholic fits that have ruined at least three past Thanksgivings. Nothing can surprise a date prepared for the worst.

3. Address old relationship issues with your family beforehand. Make sure they know you are dating someone new, if possible, and what happened to 'what's her face' so your family knows the subject is off-limits. It is best to have a statement prepared in advance to rattle off to not-so-polite relatives who ask embarrassing questions in front of your significant other. Since some families only see each other on special holidays, unfortunate statements such as; "Chad...What ever happened to Susan? I really liked that girl...She sure knew how to dress!" are bound to happen. Not only does it cause tension in the family, these innocent questions can stir up a whole host of problems between new couples with unsettled feelings about the past.

4. Make sure your new boyfriend/girlfriend knows all about the exes that have gone to previous family events before them...and the relatives that may still be attached to your ex. Give them clues on how to get in good with the tough relatives so they forget "Susan" ever existed and be sure you let them know that they are the one you want your family raving about. It's not fair to have them walking in the door to a family member who shouts, "Susan! What's different about you? Did you change your hair?"

5. Prepare a dish to bring with your date. Not only is it a fun thing to do to bond as a couple, but you also aren't showing up empty-handed. If what you made is absolutely fantastic, be sure to give your date all the credit. It will give others something to complement him/her on.

6. Make sure your date knows how everyone will be dressed. Some families are more formal than others for the holidays while some families wear sweats and sneakers. Nobody wants to stick out like a sore thumb.

7. Talk politics and religion - Behind closed doors, that is. If you know your family members are raving Democrats, you might want to warn your Republican significant other that he or she is entering shark-infested waters. Warn your date that if your family starts in on the subject, to have a few great answers to maintain neutrality in what could become a heated situation. ("That's an interesting way of looking at things...I never thought about it that way." Or, "I can see the good and bad points in both situations...").

8. When you arrive, make sure you do the walk-through to introduce your date to your family. Use first names and tell your date interesting things about each family member. ("This here is Uncle Dave...Forgive him, he's a die-hard Yankees fan...").

9. Decide on the family time split ahead of time. If both your families live in the same town, it's possible to see them both on Thanksgiving Day...but it usually results in hurt feelings from someone because you couldn't stay long. Make sure you decide on an appropriate amount of time to visit each family and find out what time dinner is at both houses. Decide ahead of time where you will be eating dinner and let both families know.

10. Take note of your date's diet. Are they a vegetarian? Do they have any food allergies? Luckily, Thanksgiving fare is pretty predictable, but if your date has a special diet, it might be advisable to cook up a great casserole or something so they won't be sitting there with an empty plate while everyone else is eating. A militant vegetarian in a setting where everyone is devouring turkey might not always be a pretty picture. Explain to your family that your date has a special food allergy and is not snubbing their cooking. Since there are heated opinions on vegetarianism, it's best to just say, "Carl is a vegetarian...but that's okay - more for me!"

11. Stay with your date. Especially if this is the first time meeting your family. Until your date meets and befriends some friendly allies in your family, it's best to stay by their side so they don't feel uncomfortable. At the same time, talk to the rest of your family. Don't disappear into your own little world together and make everyone feel like you just showed up to eat and not visit. Family will remember and resent a significant other put before everyone else. Is your family a family of football fanatics? She might feel put off if you leave her chatting in the kitchen with the ladies while you are screaming at the Thanksgiving day football games on TV with the guys. Make sure you don't abandon your date if he or she is still uncomfortable around your family.

12. Point out your date's accomplishments to engage him or her in the conversation. Tell your family about the things you're impressed with that he/she has done or said. ("You know, Julie had the most amazing thing to say about that yesterday..." or "Jules has done volunteer work at that hospital. She is so great with kids! She's been working in their new cancer ward to help with young leukemia patients..."). This doesn't mean start an all-out Julie lovefest. A few items of interest will suffice. Let your family see why the person sitting next to you is so special and why they should open their hearts to them the same as they opened their home.